Dec 15th,2008. 4 years ago. Little did I know that it will be the date that my physical strong bond with my dad will be severed forever. On that fateful day, my beloved father passed away due to a sudden heart attack. Just few weeks earlier I was still on the phone with him, asked him if everything okay, if he has illness or not, & he said he was just fine.
I have a very close relationship with my mom & dad. To me, Papa is not just a father figure. He's way more than that. He's my personal advisor in times when I seek his wise advice & mature wisdom. He's my bestfriend in times to share our happy moments, share our love of food! He always have a reason to go out to restaurant to celebrate anything. I even have a written list of restaurant in Jakarta that I want to visit if time permits for me to go back after my wedding in 2005. I also have prepared a restaurant list for my parents to try when they planned to come to visit me in US back in 2006 [their trip was cancelled though, not sure why].
My wedding day, 3/12/05, was the last moment I physically hugged Papa. The day when he walked me down the aisle. We both live in different continents, dad in Indo, I live with my husband in USA. We have already made plans together that in few years, after I became citizen, I will sponsor my parents to become green card here. I became citizen in Feb 2009, just 2 months away after his passing. Sometimes reality is different than our own planning.
Although I sad that I won't be able to meet him again, won't be able to talk with him anymore, but I realized that Papa had taught me everything that I need to know, to live & survive. He had become a living example of how a person should be to their family : a provider. He told me that no matter if I was born a male, nor female, I should become a provider to my family.
I've inherited the most important legacy from him : His character. My Papa is a fair person. He's just. He constantly remind me to be able to differentiate what is right, & what is wrong. He taught me to not compromise the core principle of life, but balance it by being flexible in a situation that need understanding. He also taught me to be strong. To move on. Try to forgive & forget past mistakes, both my own mistake or other people's wrongdoing.
Papa is a special person to everybody that come to know him. I think each of eveyone that ever have a contact with him, can't really forget what impact that he made to change the person's life for the better. He is a great uncle to his nieces & nephews. He's a good son-in-law to my grandparents. He's a good brother in law. He's a good brother to his own siblings. And for his friends [he has thousands of them, I can't count anymore], & even to some of my friends too, he is a good listener, great wise advisor, & he's so sincere to them. People will end up having a bright day after talking to him. I know I do.
Papa is a natural born strong-willed leader. His involvement with lots of churches, teaching & preaching about the principle of Jesus Christ, have touched lots of lives, including mine & my mom. We became more mature, more wise, more empathy to the others. Papa not only talking about Jesus, but he actually living his own teaching, until the day he drew his last breath. In an unique way, he had helped grown Perduki [Indonesian Catholic Charistmatic for Professional & Businessmen/women] from just a small chapter in Central Jakarta, to now have multitude branches in other cities as well. He's not only become my own idol, but also to our Catholic & Christian community as well. Perduki will not be like today without his 25 years ++ support.
His passion of righteousness & his deep understanding of Bible made me proud of him. He never stop to try to fix imperfect things & make it better. Over the course period of years, I saw his change -- to the better. More patient, more smile, more peaceful, more content with life. He's such a simple person, that happy with his lot in life. He doesn't jealous with other's fortune, instead he feel happy & glad when other's being blessed. He also reminded me to be an extended blessing to other people too, to not just keep my knowledge & things to my own.
From Papa [and mama too] I got my sense of music. He was a master at singing, everyone that ever hear his voice will admit that he moved them soul. When he sing, he sing wholeheartedly, praising the Lord with his full mind & soul. When he was younger he played guitar. My mom played piano. I long for our family to sit down & sing together, just like the old times. Maybe we will one day in Heaven, who knows.
Once my husband told me that he regret that Papa was taken too soon. He was excited to have a father-in-law, whom he can share "guy things". My husband admitted that Papa was a great man, great leader, & good family guy. I do wish my husband have chance to interract more than my dad. Papa too, was happy to have me married Lloyd. I sometimes laugh at Papa's silly joke "Lloyd is a "bule" [white guy] with Asian heart" --> this is because Lloyd likes kung pao chicken, lol.
Papa is a faithful husband to my mom. They never cheated to each other, they always in love with each other, & their long-lasting love does spread to others that see them. Papa likes to see movie in cinema with Mama, they always have a "date night out" after their ministries, a simple 20 minute break in cafes, just having a quality moment to each other. They always holding hands in the mall & other public places. He never afraid to show off his love to her! He encourage Mama's love of jewelry & make up & beauty stuff. Even buying her stuff although funds are limited! He said, well, let's enjoy it now while we can. He's right. You need to indeed enjoy your money [well of course he wants us to save too in our savings], but he wants us not to become slave of the money, but master & conqueror of the money. To control our finance responsibly, & yet still have fun with it.
12/18/2008, 3 days after Papa's passing, was supposed to be their 32nd wedding anniversary, but instead, me & Mama went to the sea to give his ashes his final rest. I myself hold the jug, and, did what he wanted in his demise, pour his ashes to the sea after the cremation. At that point, I tried to be strong to Mama, because this has shocked both of us to the core. I was grieving, still grieving. I still mourn about it. I did not blame God at all, I mean... death is a part of life. Each one of us will eventually passed away. I just want to hold him longer. That's all. Papa told us that if he being cremated & his ashes poured to the sea, then everywhere in the world all we need to do is just come to any sea, & "meet" him. Such a simple man. I love him. His cremation was his wish since I was 10 year old. So at the point when me & mama had to made decision, we both came to same conclusion in less than 5 seconds.
Papa never made his shortcomings stopping him from doing great things. We all know that he had an accident when he was 27 yr old, that made him loose his 3 half fingers on his right hand. But he moved on, keep going strong, & never made an excuse of it. If he saw a beggar with both full hands & both full legs, he just raised up his "disability" hand, as a poignant symbol that even he, did not become a beggar although he doesn't have full hand. This is an important lesson to me. This has made me going for years & years & years. Never give up. Achieve higher things, accomplish more things, eventhough you don't have all that you need. Sometimes lack of things will make you gain more achievements.
Papa was a great man. He was a humble person. He didn't boast of his experience, instead he's using his knowledge to help people that seek his advice. He's a great person if you need to discuss serious matter of your life. I remember one time, one of his friend had a marital problems. Papa did not judge what he did, didn't criticize what he was thinking. Instead, Papa just offered few options & simple suggestions to him that can help his friend's marriage to be a little bit joyful. In the end, last I've heard he have a happier marriage. :) That's what my dad all about, for a person to have a happier happy ending.
Papa, I want to say thank you to you. Thank you not only for giving me life, but also for sharing my life 100% of it. You knew every single thing about me, you knew what I like and dislike, & yet you still appreciate me. You treated me not only as a daughter, but you made me feel special when you asked my opinion & really valued them. You saw me not only as a little kid, but since I was 13 yr old [or maybe since I can start remembering things], you always put my thoughts into consideration! Not many parents can do that, & Papa, you have come to a level where your life is enriched because you value everyone's input, including your wife's & daughter's.
Papa, I wish we can talk more like we did before when I lived with you & ma in Jakarta. I wish we can hug each other again. I wish we can pray together again. My only hope is that one day we can do all this again in another lifetime in Heaven. Papa, you told me once that when you die, you will prepare a house for our family in Heaven. I'm looking forward to join your house when the times come. I will not be afraid to die, because I know that's when I get to meet you again! I'm excited that you have come to prepare a nice house, wait..., palace!! for us. :)
Papa, words are limited. This is not all. This is only a tip of the iceberg of what I have felt for the last 4 years. This is what I can express now to share with our family & friends via facebook. You know I love you. I miss you. Please be safe there in Heaven. [Hm, maybe it's safer there than here, earth]. I'm sure I'm not the only one missing you, Papa. Mama missed you tremendously. Everday she always pray for you. Mama is strong. I told Mama that you would want us to be happy & smile & just enjoy life, just like you enjoyed simple small things in life, Papa. I take care of her. I will make sure she eat good everyday. That's my promise to you, Papa.
I appreciate that all of you, my friends, my families, who read this, have spare a moment to read this eulogy. I would still like to write more, maybe another time. Thank you again for your willingness to read this. And feel free to comment [neither below, or separate wall post, or message, up to you], if you'd like to share with me what you feel about my Papa.
Papa, you're a special guy.
Rest in peace.
Until we meet again, Papa.
I love you, Papa.
Your Daughter,
Peggy Tjandrawidjaja
