Integrity

Is it normal that the older I get, the less I trust people?

On my journey on this earth, so far, I found more and more people betrayed my trust. Maybe I'm wrong, but my trust philosophy is like this:

First, I trust you.
Until you break my trust.
Then I will never trust you anymore.
Until you proven otherwise.

And now I come to a point where I won't really trust you, even at first, because somewhere in the future, I think you'll stab me from behind. Or maybe from the front. Right under my nose.

And the most painful thing is, my trust are broken from the people that I trusted the most. My inner circle. That's where the hurt run deep. Like I couldn't believe they would do such a thing, but they did. Doesn't matter now that they make amends. They still hurt me. The hurt was there.

Now why the trust was broken? Was it something I do wrong? Something I do right? Something I didn't do at all? I have no idea. Whatever the excuse is, I found that if someone, no matter who that "one" is, betrayed the principality of a point, then the trust is broken. And our relationship will no longer be the same like it was before. It will never be the same relationship.

Now, when I no longer trust that person, next come to this: No matter how good the theory that come out from that person's mouth, I would not think those words as face value anymore. As a matter of fact, I would labeled them as a hypocrite.  Someone that doesn't do the right thing, doesn't deserve to say a right thing. Action speaks louder than words. Theory is nothing.

I think that the reason why those people broke vow and promises and the principle of things, is because they lack of one thing. They lack of this high quality ingredient in their life. With this thing missing in their life, they are easily be compromised and do the wrong thing. That thing wise people called "Integrity".

Integrity is doing the right thing. No matter how hard it is. Actually, if you have a habit to apply integrity in every single thing of the aspect of your life, you'll find it easier to apply. It is so easy to do the right thing once you set it in motion. We human are a habitual being. The more we stay firm to our integrity, the easier it is to say no to the wrong thing. It's super easy.

There are 7 billion people in the world. I doubt how many of those who has integrity grained in their life. Maybe 50%? 25%? Or just 10%? If there's only 1% from 7 billion in the world who has integrity, that sums up to 70 million people in the world. Are you optimist that there are 70 million people in the world that still have their integrity intact? No cheating, no doing the wrong thing, and just being super awesome in justice and all? Being Mr (or Mrs) Incredible? Or is it only 0.01%, which is 700,000 people?

Well, anyway, with these life lessons that somehow was given to me lately, I found that it's more important than ever to keep my integrity intact, no matter what the circumstances is. It's probably one of the rarest valuable in the world. Integrity lead to dignity. Integrity build character. Which lead us to be a trustworthy person.

Trust is earned, it's not an entitlement.
Trust is proven, not given.
Trust is built, not inherited.

And a trustworthy person are the ones whose opinion can be counted the most.

All Relationship Are Voluntary

Title say it all.

All relationship are voluntary, not entitlement. What I mean is all, is... all. Whether it's parent-children relationship, husband-wife relationship, friendship relationship, siblings relationship, each and every relationship are voluntary.

To be in the relationship, the two parties should willing to be in one. Both of them are working together to build the relationship stronger. To still stay in the relationship and do everything they can to save the relationship. If one of the party decided to quit, then there is no more relationship.

There are relationship that worth to be saved, and there's relationship that is so broken beyond salvaged points. The ones that is worth fighting for are the relationship when two people still interested to make it work, to be optimistic that "this will pass". Two people, not one though. If one is hopeful, but the other one doesn't care anymore about the relationship, then it is not worth it.

I learned in my life that sometimes, we have to let go the relationship that is really really gone sour. The ones when the other party is not interested to make it work anymore. The ones that the other party doesn't care of what happen to you and just care for him/her self-interest. The ones that can live WITHOUT you.

It is painful when that happen. You just want to cry, cry, and cry. You keep asking why? Why did I do wrong? Why I deserve this? Where it went wrong? But realize, that sometimes it's not you. It's them. They are the one that choose to put themselves above you, instead of being your equal in this thing we call relationship. So forget them, move on, there are so many relationship out there waiting for you to be in it. The ones that worth your attention, care, and love.

There are also relationship that you need to quit. Those are the fake, the back-stabbing (or front-stabbing) type, the ones that just take advantage of you and your kindness. You need to get out of this relationship although the other party is still interested in the relationship, because they just want to get the benefit exclusively for them, without caring for you. This is not a mutual relationship, and you should stop abusing yourselves from these type of people.

Here are some tips to make your relationship stronger:
1. Read a relationship improving article at least once a day. Learn from the experts. Expand your knowledge so you can apply the tips to nurture your relationship.

2. Be happy, be positive. Nobody likes to hang around with a Debbie Downer.

3. Listen more. Seek first to understand, then be understood.

So what happen if you just broke up with one of your relationship? Especially if it's the important one? Here are some things that you can do to ease your pain:
1. No contact = no relationship. If you need to disconnect from a bad relationship, do it asap.

2. Forget him/her. Let them go. They are happier without you, and if you really love them, you want them to be happy, right? They are happy without you. So let them be happy and release them from  your life.

3. Heal yourself. Do things that put you in your own happy place again. You are worth it. You deserve happiness. Never ever let anybody rob you from your own happiness.

4. Protect your heart. Learn from the lesson, so next time you're not repeating this again. Trust is earned, that means they need to show you if they are worth it to have a relationship with you. Because you know once you committed, you will give it your all. And if they can't do that, then they don't deserve you.

All relationship are voluntary. Never take a relationship for granted. Don't expect him/her to behave according to their title (mom, dad, grandparents, siblings, husband, wife, son, daughter, grandchildren, bff, boss, subordinates, peer, boyfriend, girlfriend, ex, etc).  Work need to be done for a relationship to continue to grow stronger, from both parties.

May you always have a good relationship with anyone you love and loves you back.