One wise woman once said to me,"You don't get married only on your wedding day. You get married EVERY day." And this statement is so true. Like every relationship, a strong and happy marriage doesn't happen just by itself. It is built. That means it does takes work day by day.
Every couple I've met, I asked them how long have they been married and what's their secrets to keep it successful. How to keep the love "fresh" even after decades passing by. And in my journey to collect the great marriage advice, I pretty much can sum it up into some simple points:
* Don't sweat small stuff
* Respect one another
* Don't go to bed angry
* Hug 4 times a day
* Good morning and good night kiss is a must
* Love each other
* Do one new thing together every week (new restaurants, new movie, etc)
* Have a date night once in a while
* Surprise them with a gift on a occasional day (not birthday/anniversary)
* Still say "I love you" even if you already married for 23 years.
* Never criticize your spouse in public
* Never yell at each other. Instead, correct their mistake with kind words.
* Be a team. Don't compete against each other. United marriage is stronger rather than 2 strong heads.
* Don't hold grudge/keep score.
* Never bring up past mistakes.
* Have fun together.
* Support each other in trial times.
* Always be loyal to your spouse.
* Relationship is give and take, not always take, take, take.
* Love is offered, not forced.
And there are 2 key points to remember in your marriage journey:
1. Open communication.
The two of you need to really be honest and committed to the promise you've set. And to really have an open communication. Let's say both you and your spouse already committed to pay the home mortgage extra by another $200 more. Now once in a while, another part of us thinking that we should push to pay more into the mortgage. "It's for our own good. Besides, if we pay another $500 extra, instead of $200, it'll push the principal down even further and make us pay off the home mortgage sooner!". It is a really good intention, but if you don't communicate this to your spouse and just do it without his or her own consent, then what would happen? Your spouse eventually will found out about it, and he (or she) will feel cheated out of the agreement. "What happen with our initial commitment? And why don't you tell me first about it?" Your spouse wants to be involved in every decision making related to both of your lives, like finances, the curfew for your kids, vacation planning, and etc. How would you feel if let's say your spouse shopping for a flat screen TV one day (with a good intention to replace the old bulky TV in your house that hasn't been functioning well since 2012), and then he (or she) just buy it without your approval? You will feel left out and this could keep the distance apart between the two of you. Every good successful marriage always have an open flow of communication, so just talk it out and discuss anything that comes your way. Tackle the problem together and you'll feel more united, like a good team!
2. Lower your expectation.
It's a silly idea to expect that our spouse will change to what we expect once the wedding bells stop ringing. The moment we get married, suddenly we have the urge to influence him/her to get rid of a habit that annoys us. The person we married it's our partner, not our craft project. We should never expect them to change to our "ideal" image, but instead, we're the one who should change on how we view them as our husband/wife. Love is love. It's not an ultimatum. A wife once said to her husband,"If you love me, then you should like what I cook." Then the husband said,"If you love me, then you should cook what I like." Now that's the right kind of love! And if your wife can't cook what you like, don't expect her to do that. Maybe you can teach her how to do it. But it's all comes from having a lower expectation. You'll be surprise if one day she really able to cook the food you like!
"To have and to hold, till death do us part."
May your marriage is always happy, forever and ever!!!
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