Excuses vs Reasons

This morning I attended a neighborhood community meeting.

The meeting leader announced many ideas to improve our neighborhood.

Ideas like how we should provide trash bags at selected local points for dog owners (so they can scoop their dogs' poop). How we should weed out untamed grass and wild flowers that giving unpleasant look at some houses. Sending out friendly reminder to fix broken fences. And bunch of another great solutions.

It was a fascinating observation.

I've noticed that no matter which ideas that was discussed, there's always two different parties debating the issue.

One group gave out 10 different excuses why those ideas will never work. They listed out lots compelling arguments why this can fail and those won't be realistic, and so on and so on. The opposite group gave out 10 different reasons on why we should do it and CAN do it. They lay out a good plan to attack the problem and brainstorm various choices for solutions.

I've noticed that generally in life, we are faced with either excuses to not to do it, or reasons to do it.

Some of us will hesitate, look back, and too scared to make things happen. They justify their own failures with bunch of excuses. We all have heard them.

I'm too old...
I'm too young...
It's too late for me...
My family will understand why I don't finish that degree...

But, there are some that will ignore those excuses. Instead of give in, they think differently. They see that it's possible to overcome the issues, whatever it is. They see failures as stepping stones to success.

I'm still alive so let's do it!
It's never too late to start something good!
There's no time like NOW!
Work hard so my family can have better future!

Hopefully you're in this elite class.

So what would you like to do? Do you want to be stuck with excuses? Or are your reasons strong enough to get you to the next level, of where you want to be?

It is so easy to blame it on excuses. The real art is to keep going and pursue whatever you're pursuing, because you have meaningful reasons to do it.

So from now on, stop having excuses! No more excuses! The only time you say "excuse me" is when you need to go to the bathroom. :)

Favorite Quotes

1. "Fail to plan is plan to fail" - Ben Franklin

2. "Life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent of how I react to it." -Charles Swindoll

3. "Do or do not. There is no try." -Yoda

4. "Choose people who lift you up" - Michelle Obama

5. "Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth." - Julie Andrews

6. "I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions." -Stephen Covey

7. "Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." -Vince Lombardi

8. "Don't buy things you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you don't like." - Dave Ramsey

9. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky

10. "Just keep swimming." - Dory

Tic Tac Toe

Yesterday, I had the chance to spend time with 5 year old twins, Suzy and Leo. They both were very active and got bored easily. So, while I try to finish some work with their mom, I taught them a classic game called Tic-Tac-Toe.

You know that it's a win-lose game, or at least a draw. At the first game, Suzy won. And when Leo realized that Suzy won, he went into a corner, squatted down and cried! My first response was... wow! I did not realized that it would affect him so strongly, that it is important for him to win. So I called him back, and try to lure to him to play another game with us.

Next game, I kinda "helped" Leo to win so he can have his pride back. And when Suzy realized that her brother won, she ended up went into the same corner, squatted down, and cried!!! Holy mackerel! I looked at their mom. I must have the astonished look on my face, because she had a small laugh and said,"Yep, that's how they are. Can't even play together and let someone win".

I gathered the children back and I told them this,"Don't worry if you lose in some turn, just play again. Keep try and try again! You will win eventually."

After a while, I left them to play together and get back to their mom, working on our project. At some moment, I glanced at Suzy who played alone and I observed that she made a straight O's and cross it out (as if that she's winning). Hm, looks like it's easy to win if there's no X at all. Of course. It's always easy to win if there's no obstacles in between. The bet is when there is some challenge to throw you off, but if you keep focus and be strategic about your game, you'll develop creativity and be tactical in the process.

I'm pretty sure they'll be fine when they're older. I believe all of us (parents, teachers, other adults in society) can continue to teach the younger generations the importance of having sportsmanship spirits. How to face failure and get up again. How to not quit and cry in our corner, instead we should never surrender and keep moving forward. To remember that the obstacles and challenges that come our way will make our victory even sweeter.

After all, tic-tac-toe was just a game. Good game, Suzy and Leo!

How to Build A Strong Marriage

One wise woman once said to me,"You don't get married only on your wedding day. You get married EVERY day." And this statement is so true. Like every relationship, a strong and happy marriage doesn't happen just by itself. It is built. That means it does takes work day by day.

Every couple I've met, I asked them how long have they been married and what's their secrets to keep it successful. How to keep the love "fresh" even after decades passing by. And in my journey to collect the great marriage advice, I pretty much can sum it up into some simple points:

* Don't sweat small stuff
* Respect one another
* Don't go to bed angry
* Hug 4 times a day
* Good morning and good night kiss is a must
* Love each other
* Do one new thing together every week (new restaurants, new movie, etc)
* Have a date night once in a while
* Surprise them with a gift on a occasional day (not birthday/anniversary)
* Still say "I love you" even if you already married for 23 years.
* Never criticize your spouse in public
* Never yell at each other. Instead, correct their mistake with kind words.
* Be a team. Don't compete against each other. United marriage is stronger rather than 2 strong heads.
* Don't hold grudge/keep score.
* Never bring up past mistakes.
* Have fun together.
* Support each other in trial times.
* Always be loyal to your spouse.
* Relationship is give and take, not always take, take, take.
* Love is offered, not forced.

And there are 2 key points to remember in your marriage journey:

1. Open communication.
The two of you need to really be honest and committed to the promise you've set. And to really have an open communication. Let's say both you and your spouse already committed to pay the home mortgage extra by another $200 more. Now once in a while, another part of us thinking that we should push to pay more into the mortgage. "It's for our own good. Besides, if we pay another $500 extra, instead of $200, it'll push the principal down even further and make us pay off the home mortgage sooner!". It is a really good intention, but if you don't communicate this to your spouse and just do it without his or her own consent, then what would happen? Your spouse eventually will found out about it, and he (or she) will feel cheated out of the agreement. "What happen with our initial commitment? And why don't you tell me first about it?" Your spouse wants to be involved in every decision making related to both of your lives, like finances, the curfew for your kids, vacation planning, and etc. How would you feel if let's say your spouse shopping for a flat screen TV one day (with a good intention to replace the old bulky TV in your house that hasn't been functioning well since 2012), and then he (or she) just buy it without your approval? You will feel left out and this could keep the distance apart between the two of you. Every good successful marriage always have an open flow of communication, so just talk it out and discuss anything that comes your way. Tackle the problem together and you'll feel more united, like a good team!

2. Lower your expectation.
It's a silly idea to expect that our spouse will change to what we expect once the wedding bells stop ringing. The moment we get married, suddenly we have the urge to influence him/her to get rid of a habit that annoys us. The person we married it's our partner, not our craft project. We should never expect them to change to our "ideal" image, but instead, we're the one who should change on how we view them as our husband/wife. Love is love. It's not an ultimatum. A wife once said to her husband,"If you love me, then you should like what I cook." Then the husband said,"If you love me, then you should cook what I like." Now that's the right kind of love! And if your wife can't cook what you like, don't expect her to do that. Maybe you can teach her how to do it. But it's all comes from having a lower expectation. You'll be surprise if one day she really able to cook the food you like!

"To have and to hold, till death do us part."

May your marriage is always happy, forever and ever!!!