But since when life is perfect?
Unfortunately, some of us might have faced betrayals from our spouses, no matter our gender is. Adultery is not exclusively done by men to their wives. It's also done by women to their husbands.
So just in case this ever happen to you, here's some tips to help you ease the pain:
1. Read this article. It is titled Strong Woman, but if you're a man, you can replace "her" with "him".
2. Know that it's not you. It's them. It is not your fault. His/her cheating is their flaws, not yours. You didn't do it. You were loyal and faithful. So don't get lured with the "not enough" mentality that the other party tried to pin their wrongdoing on you. Nope! It's not your fault, it's theirs. They're the ones that don't know the meaning of "integrity".
3. His mistress / her new man is not any better than you are. Definitely not!
4. The faster you can leave him/her, the better. Why stay with a cheater? Once a cheater, always a cheater. There's 7 billions people in the world. Surely there's one that understand what's the meaning of love and loyalty? Better than this cheater.
5. Focus on you. Now it's the time to focus on your own goals. Protect your assets. Get a good lawyer. And do it fast. Do it now. No more turning back.
6. I know that we're tempted to change ourselves to not be ourselves. "Maybe if I less talking." "Maybe if I cook better." "Maybe if I work harder." No way! Our spouse supposed to accept us for who we are : either loud or calm. They know our personality way before they decided to marry us. So why we have to change? If you're a type A, you will always be a type A. I'm okay if we want to be better and shred bad habits, but personality, who we are, never change. And if he/she loves us truly, they will like us the way we are, so we don't have to be someone we're not.
7. Once you close this chapter, put this behind you. Keep walking forward and do not look back. Take the lesson, say thank you for the experience, and move. No more regrets. Remember, it's not your fault!!! It is his/her fault. So STOP blaming yourself! Go make sandwich! Do laundry! Whatever it is, continue moving forward. Your future is so much brighter without this backstabber.
8. You will find happiness again. You will regain your strength. You will know yourself more. If you're a woman, put on a make up and go out again. Get girlfriends together and go shopping. No need to spend money if you don't have, just window shopping alone is fun. If you a guy, go get some beers with your guy friends.
9. Happy people attract happy people. Be genuine. Be truly happy and accept your lot in life. The faster you're in the acceptance level, the faster you'll be in happy valley again. Count your blessings, starting from your health. Smile. Watch lots of comedies. Eventually you'll be surrounded with happy people who care about you and wants the best for you. These are the people worth having for.
10. If you have family, focus on your children. They need your support more than ever. Focus on rebuilding your life together without the cheating leaving spouse anymore. And I surely hope that the custody battle is not prolonged. I know how stressful this can be. Take it one day at a time.
11. Don't ever ever ever think to "get back together again". Forgiveness is noble, but like point #7 above mentioned, take the lesson. Never forget. Yes, let's forgive so we can move on and not carrying this heavy baggage, but don't daydream to get back together. Do you want to be a spare tire again? Remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't lower your quality to be with someone who did not appreciate you. Trust is earned. And once it's broken, it's done.
12. Cry as much as you want. It's okay to cry. It's not a weakness. It's a release. Eat ice cream after that. Dark chocolate, strawberry, or pistachio. Whatever you want.
I hope this never happens to you. But just in case it happens, I'm here for you.
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