Silence is Golden

I am so proud of myself.

This morning I've made a decision. I decided to talk less towards my spouse. You see, my husband and I have been married for the last 13 years. The first 12 years was going great. But something happened in year thirteen that made us seems to grow apart. I'm not going into details here, but long story short, I am right now fighting hard for the survival of our marriage. I read somewhere in one of the internet blogs that marriage will peak up again after 20 years. And one of my friend that has been married for 25 plus years told me that it is getting better the longer we married. So basically I just need to survive this low slump, and believe that our marriage will be better again after we pass this perfect storm.

He wants less talk. He feel stress when I'm talking. The problem is, I am an extrovert. And I am very big in expressing my feelings. I am blunt. I speak what's on my mind. I just say what I feel and what I think to the most inner circle of my life. So unfortunately, this makes him likes me less. Maybe because I vent my frustration at everything. And who likes a nagging wife? A complaining wife? I wouldn't like to live with myself if all I do is just focusing on the negative in a daily basis.

Therefore, I decided to do something different. What's the definition of insanity? Doing something over and over again and expecting a different result. So guess what? I'm going to do something that I didn't do before. I am going to limit my talk to him. I'm not going to talk about my feelings, or what's on my mind, or what's worrying me, or whatever it is that bugging me. If I talk to him, it'll be just to the weather or household needs. Just as needed basis. 

And when he presented a topic that is difficult for me to digest, basically things that make me explode and be the queen of anger & wrath, I will simply treat it as if he speaks Swahili to me. I'll just look at him quietly and blank stare. Or maybe I'll just acknowledge and sympathize with him. I don't know for sure, but... definitely not talking. No words. No exchange words. Often time, my tongue got me into trouble. Often times, I open a Pandora Box when I start a conversation with him. So... I need to control which words that escape my lips, and be the master of my thoughts, and my feeling.

So far so good. This evening went by peacefully. I think I give him what he wants. And a happy husband is a happy life. I'm successfully navigated myself to speak less words compared to his words. Basically he is now talking more than me. Which is good.

Now, I am an expressionist. So what will I do to release my tension? I'll just blog here. I'll just pour out the words via this medium and that'll help me to release my inner thought. Beside, I work in an environment that requires me to do lots of talking. Isn't this excellent? I still get to talk, to other people, so at home I'll just be quiet. Just be still.

I guess it's true that silence is golden. We'll see if this works. Maybe I'll be lucky if we survive to year fourteen.