Thursday, October 26, 2017

Musuh Terbesarku

Hari ini gue diundang untuk menghadiri acara makan siang prestigius yang diadakan oleh perusahaan di tempat gue bekerja. Gak semua orang diundang. Hanya untuk beberapa saja yang lolos seleksi. Kriterianya ditetapkan oleh para boss besar, dan gue merasa beruntung sekali bisa terpilih untuk menghadirinya. Seneng banget deh!

Mereka mengadakannya di restoran Beaches. Gue dulu udah pernah ke restoran ini sekali (beberapa tahun lalu). Jadi gue agak lupa2x ingat rute perjalanannya ke sana. Karena kurang PD (percaya diri) kalo nyetir sendiri ke sana, jadilah gue sepakat sama salah satu rekan kerja gue yang mumpung sekantor untuk pergi bareng2x ke sana. Istilah kerennya: nebeng, yang merupakan salah satu bakat spesialku sejak dini, hehehe.

Gue udah janjian sama si A (kita sebut saja doi A untuk cerita ini) kalo gue akan ketemu dia di kantor jam sebelas seperempat, karena acara makan siang ini diadakan tepat jam dua belas. Karena hari ini gue dijadwalkan libur (hore!), berarti gue akan mampir ke kantor dulu supaya kita bisa pergi bareng.

Nah, hari yang dinanti2kan tiba, yaitu hari ini. Gue udah tau kalo gue mesti nyampe kantor jam sebelas seperempat. Gue bangun pagi sperti biasa (gak super pagi banget lah, kan libur, jadi bisa tidur agak lamaan sedikit). Habis bangun pagi, ya berarti acara bebas sebelum jam yang sudah ditetapkan. Asik! Bisa main game, bisa ngeblog, nonton tipi, pokoknya haleluya dech! Biasanya tiap hari kan ngantor dari pagi sampe sore, pulang masak buat makan malam, terus acara main gamenya kan abis makan malam.

Saking asiknya gue menikmati acara bebas di pagi hari sebelum ketemuan sama si A, gue sampe nggak inget waktu.  Gue melihat jam di dinding, tapi nggak kepikir kalo gue kan mesti siap2x pake make up, baju, tata rambut, dan segalanya sebelum jam sebelas. Pas gue ngeliat jam lagi, waktu udah menunjukkan jam sebelas seperempat. Nggak tau kenapa gue mikir pada jam itu lah gue harus stop acara bebas pagi dan mulai siap2x. Salah besar!!! Mestinya gue siap2x jauh sebelum jam sebelas seperempat, karena si A kan udah nungguin gue!! Haleluya jadi halelupa!!!

Gue langsung panik kalang kabut. Hal pertama yang gue lakukan adalah kirim text ke si A minta maaf bahwa gue akan telat. Mungkin si A punya pikiran yang sama, jadinya jam sebelas lewat dua enam doi telpon gue. Gue bilang,"A, sorry banget nih gue nggak taruh perhatian sama waktu, elu pergi dulu aja deh ke restoran itu, gue nyusul belakangan, jadi kita langsung ketemu di sana ya?". Untunglah si A nggak marah. Dan untung pula restorannya nggak terlalu jauh2x amat sih. Dan nggak ada acara macet soalnya kan bukan jam pulang-pergi kerja.

Berikutnya, gue langsung buka google map untuk mencari tau rute untuk pergi ke restoran Beaches. Alamaak!!! Google map bukannya ngasih tau rute yang mesti gue tuju, tapi ini pake acara "you must intall this app" this and that. Walah! Gue udah nggak punya waktu, ini google macem2x segala minta gue melakukan hal yang akhirnya tidak gue lakukan deh. Soalnya gue kan musti hati2x, jangan download sembarangan, jangan click link yang macem2x, mana tau itu scam.

Gue tau waktu udah nggak banyak lagi, soalnya gue mesti ciao sekarang kalo mau tiba di restoran tepat waktu. Akhirnya setelah dandan serba kilat, gue cabut dari rumah sekitar jam setengah dua belas, dan ngebut kayak setan jalanan. Dan selagi gue nunggu di lampu merah, gue berpikir,"Time is my worst enemy = waktu adalah musuh terbesar gue."

Tapi satu detik kemudian, gue mikir lagi,"No, I am my worst enemy = gue adalah musuh terbesar gue!"

Coba kita telusuri pemikiran ini. Gue udah tau kalo gue mesti ketemu si A jam sebelas seperempat. Tapi apa yang gue lakukan? Keasikan main ini itu, ngeblog kanan kiri, baca artikel2x di fesbuk dan linkedin dan segudang artikel2 lain di web2x, yang membuat gue jadi ketayalan sama jadwal yang sudah ditetapkan. Waktu jalan terus. Kalo gue bisa mempersiapkan diri lebih baik, mestinya gue disiplin sama diri sendiri seperti menetapkan waktu dari awal untuk stop acara bebas jam sepuluh tiga puluh, supaya bisa punya waktu empat puluh lima menit untuk dandan dan siap2x dan tiba di kantor dan ketemu si A tepat waktu.

Waktu bukanlah musuh terbesarku. Akulah musuhku sendiri pada saat itu. Waktu mah jalan terus. 60 detik sekarang dengan 60 detik sepuluh tahun yang lalu adalah sama. Tetap 60 detik. Satu jam sekarang dengan satu jam di lima tahun mendatang juga sama. Tetap satu jam. Jadi ngapain nyalahin waktu?

Tau kan ada orang yang berpendapat : Time get the best of you. Maksudnya kita kalah dalam let's say kompetisi tertentu karena waktunya sudah habis. Time's up, katanya orang bule di sini. Tapi kalo dipikir2x, sebetulnya bukan waktunya yang habis, tapi kitanya yang kurang persiapan dan tidak mengorganisir kegiatan kita dengan baik.

Dari pengalaman ini, gue berjanji untuk lebih baik lagi. Yang sudah lewat ya sudah. Tapi gue belajar banyak dari kisah hari ini. Lain kali, kalo ada acara penting kayak gini, gue harus berjanji pada diri sendiri untuk menjadwal kegiatan2x yang akan gue lakukan sebelum hari H. Boleh main game tapi nggak boleh lupa untuk stop setidaknya satu jam sebelum acara.

Akhirnya gua tiba di restoran Beaches, tepatnya empat menit setelah jam dua belas. Jengkel banget deh sama diri sendiri, soalnya gue paling nggak suka telat.  Pake acara nyasar pula. Tapi untung banget suami gue yang baik ngasih tau rute yang benar untuk pergi ke restoran ini. Jadi nganggu dia di kerjaannya, tapi mo gimana lagi? Aniwei, acaranya sendiri berjalan dengan lancar, dan gue pulang dengan perut penuh. Hehe.

Tapi beneran deh, gue bener2x mesti taruh perhatian pada waktu. Ada waktu untuk main, ada waktu untuk ngeblog, ada waktu untuk dandan, dan ada waktu untuk pergi dalam perjalanan menuju suatu tempat. Jadi gue harus memperhitungkan dari semula semua hal yang gue lakukan dalam waktu2 tertentu, supaya pengalaman ini nggak terulang lagi.

Supaya lain kali, bukannya menjadi musuh terbesar, tapi gue bisa jadi sahabat terbaik bagi diri gua sendiri! :)




Uplifting Quotes

Uplifting quotes are needed between now and then, even for someone that always positive and happy. We all need words to encourage us, telling us to keep moving on.  When I have doubtful moments, I instantly think of these quotes to give me strength.


Nothing really last forever. So like everything else, this too will pass.


Whatever it is, just don't give up. Don't give up your dreams and hope. You might change your tactic and strategy, but never your goal. Never your dream.


Move on quick. Keep pushing to the next thing. Life is too precious for us to linger thinking bad things that we don't have any control of. Just breathe in, breathe out, and "next!".


Again, like quote#1, nothing last forever. So this too, is temporary. Setbacks are always temporary.


And in the end, it doesn't matter. When it's time for us to leave this world, we won't bring anything to afterlife. We'll leave everything behind. So just relax, calm down, and clear your mind. This is not the end. We'll figure out the solution, but we won't stuck with this problem forever. Sometimes we need to let that matter go. So we can move on to the next important thing that already waiting for our attention.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

And the survey says...

I was walking with my husband today at the mall. As we walked while eating our ice cream, my eyes caught an interesting corner office with the label Opinion in the window. There are nothing on the display beside that one word.

Next to the window, there are a glass door. There was an announcement of it. Before I could finish what was there, a gentleman came outside and unlocked the door. He turned the sign from "Close" to "Open". And then he said,"We're open."

We must have a questioning look on our face, because we couldn't figure out what kind of merchandise or service this place sell. So he explained it,"We are a market research company. If you do some survey, we'll pay you $5 dollar for your opinion."

Hm, interesting.

This place is inside the mall. Normally store sell stuff and we give out money for the exchange. But this? We get money if we give our opinion?

My husband and I looked at each other, and I know our curiosity beat us. As if begging us to explore more.

My husband asked him,"What kind of survey?"

He replied,"There are different kind of survey. For example, how old are you, mam?" he turned to me.

I said,"32." And in that split second I laugh and said,"Wait! No, I'm 39!!". This is one of a very funny moment for me, because not too long ago I just had a birthday, and I can't believe I said I was 32! I guess I'm stuck living in 2010 for a moment, hahaha!

He then provided me examples of what kind of survey I have in my age group.

Long story short, we did the surveys. We got 5 bucks (each). It was an intriguing experience. But I think it's great that these companies are doing market research to test the water. To see how the consumer react before (or after) they launch their next product or service.

Hm, maybe my "opinion" made it to the Family Feud survey? Who knows!


Monday, October 16, 2017

Futuring



When I was 12, I had a homework assignment from my teacher. She wanted us to think of what will I become when I reach the age of 35. What will I do? So, using my imagination, I envisioned my 35 year old self will be married, have 2 kids, and not working at all. My justification of not working? The kids. They will need a mother to grow up with, and I don't want to entrust their care in someone else's lap. I want to raise them, educate them, and spend all my time with them. I want to be there to watch them grow up, do their homework together, teaching all the important stuff about life.

Armed with this vision, I grow up to be a young lady with busy activities. When I was in high school, I challenged myself to not only to be the top ten of my class, but I also was active in my high school's drama club. I trained myself to not only master one thing, but two things at once. With time that has been given to me, I want to see if I can manage my activities effectively.

When I was 20, I was super busy. I attended my university classes and pushed myself to get an A in every single subject possible. I also was active my student body (senate), holding events like seminars, workshops, and outreach events, getting sponsorship from left and right to fund my events, creating special committees, and ensure each events went on successfully.

One of my best friend saw this pattern in me. Always going around somewhere. Always have something to do. No idle time. So he asked me why I push myself to do all these. I, naively said, "15 years from now I'll be 35. I'll be married and have 2 children. I also will be working (this is a bit different from my original vision, but that's okay. I guess when I was 20 I realized that my future family might need my income to help support life).  So I need to train myself for time management while juggling with these activities. Might as well learn now rather than be overwhelmed later."

And I did it. I graduated from my university with honors (cum laude). I was proud of my achievement. Although I did not get summa cum laude or magna cum laude, but I thought it was good enough graduating with cum laude at least because on top of that I also busy doing something else. I had my activities with the student senate. And in the final year of my study, I also worked part-time (internship). Another thing that I accomplished: I got an A in my final thesis. This is from a professor that was infamously never given somebody an A!

One thing that I can learn from these experience, it taught me something. Because I already know that my time at the university is limited, I was able to do quality things and not doing stuff that not important. During the class session, I seriously study. During the students senate meeting, I hold the meeting effectively because I know this is the only time for me to do things. I charted a road map for me on how to finish all my classes in 3.5 years, because I don't want to be one of those students that attending classes "forever". College should be a 4 years degree (unless if you're in medical field).



One terms comes to mind: futuring. Futuring is a systematic process for thinking and planning about the future. Back then I didn't know that I was futuring. I want to always be prepared to what's next, that's why I "trained" myself to be ready for whatever may comes. I guess I should call myself a futurist. Futurists are people who actively view the present world as a window on possible future outcomes. They watch trends and try to envision what might happen.

In the corporate world, this is what they called a vision.




Now I am 38.

I am married. I don't have 2 kids. But I do have 2 important people to take care of: my husband and my mother.  I am working, for the last 17 years of my life.  The future is somewhat different from what I envisioned. And that's okay. Because the past got me prepared for what's next.

Right now, I am still futuring. I imagine what my life will be when I'm 50, 60, and beyond. I predict that I won't work forever (I hope!), therefore I'm getting serious in building my retirement funds. I also think that healthcare cost will keep rising, so to prevent expensive treatment in the future, I watch what I eat (and drink). I don't want to work all the time, pile all those money, to be ended up wasting fixing my health. I want to enjoy my life, and for that I need my health. No more bacon and french fries! More fruits and vegs! Goodbye sodium!

All of these futuring is so exciting! It helps us preparing our next chapter in life. The prep stage, it enhanced our skills. It taught us to be selective with our thoughts and activities. It helps us to make a right decision. "Is this helping us with our goal? or not?". If the answer is not, then you know what to do. It pushes us to continue learning things that we don't know before. Like the term RMD (Required Minimum Distribution) for retirees age 70 and above. Or the secluded vacation spot in Vanuatu.

Futuring change our perspective. Futuring could help change our lives to the better. If you haven't try futuring, then try it. Explore it. You might need it one day. At least you'll get new skills and a new way to see the world.


Sunday, October 08, 2017

22, 42 & 62

Last year, I wrote a blog titled What Advice Would You Give Your 21-Year-Old Self?. So now, a year later, my 21 yr old self would be 22. And I do have some insights to give to my 22-year-old self. But we can't turn back time. I can't go back to be 22. So instead of giving the advice to "her", I would pass the message to the older version of myself in the future. To my 42 year old self! Even to my 62 year old self!

1. Avoid death by small stuff


It's the small things that stresses life. I admit I'm guilty of this. I let small things bother me. I let small things ruin my day. If you already have a habit to get stressed easily, then it'll require a huge effort to change this behavior.

I learn from my wise husband that he doesn't let small things bother him. He is so peaceful. Yesterday we were driving in the road, and suddenly there's an ambulance making a left turn and cut immediately in front of us. My first reaction was to reach out to the horn, even though I wasn't the one who drove. But my husband prevented me and said,"Let it go. It's okay". I retorted back and said,"It's not okay, he should follow the rule, we almost got into an accident.". He calmed me down and said,"Just forget about it. We didn't get into an accident. And see? I even already forget about it."

The rest of the journey was pleasant. I let it go immediately. My younger version will keep hang on to it and let it dictate the rest of my days. But, this new habit, "let it go easily", it's actually works. I feel calmed and peaceful. What can I do anyway? The ambulance already way far ahead to the freeway. Plus the driver might be rushing trying to save another life by getting as fast as possible to get to the hospital.

Avoid death by small things. Don't make it your problem if it's not your problem. Like Elsa sang, "Let it go."

2. Keep saying no
Warren Buffet once said :


I ended up writing a separate blogpost for this. For further details, read it here.

3. Don't let your future controls your present.
Aka "Don't Worry, Be Happy". As Bobby McFerrin sang in that song, we shouldn't be worry for things that we can't control. Future for example. There's only few things that we can control, but we cannot possibly oversee every aspect.

I'm not saying that you should not planning your future. You do have to take necessary steps to build up your dream lives. You should have a goal and realistic plans to achieve it. I'm just saying that you should not be worry about it. If you let your future thoughts clouding your present too much, you won't have a present to enjoy.

I myself was guilty (again!). Sometimes I overanalyze my future. I obsessed with perfecting it, that I forget to enjoy the present. I spent hours planning this and that, and sometimes it ended up not happening anyway.

It's like a lottery wish. You ever heard that question,"What would you do if you win a million dollar?" You start saying, oh I'm going to pay this debt and that debt. I would buy this and that. I would help this person and that person. I'm going to travel all around the world. I would save half and invest half. I would do bla bla bla and the list go on and on and on. Just like Samir and Michael Bolton from Office Space did.



Well, it was a nice wish, but will it come true? That's why the question is in the "IF" format, and not "WHEN".

Don't be too consumed with all futuristic things. Set a goal, create a systemic plan, and do it. Just do it, but don't worry about it. Make adjustment to your plan if necessary and keep moving on. Don't get distracted with flashy little things here and there. And in the same time, enjoy the present. Enjoy the ride.

If your goal is so high above there that it seems you're in the bottom of the well, then be flexible. Don't set up goal so unrealistic that you ruin your present. That's why don't let your future control your present. You control your fate, not the other way around.  Just don't worry, be happy.

Those are 3 things that I will tell my 42 & 62 year old self to do. Better yet, why wait that long. Just do it now. Let it go, no, and don't worry! :)



Keep Saying No

Warren Buffet once said :


I've been implementing this principle for a long time. But sometimes I'm not consistent. Sometimes I said yes, when I should have said no. And then there is regret. Regret why I was so weak and succumb to temptation.

So now I held my head high and be confident with my choice. If I already have a commitment to certain goal or certain someone, I won't say yes too easily because that could distract me from completing my tasks.

There are 2 things that we should say no to:
a. Time Robbery


We only have limited hours to do what we need to do and what we want to do. We have obligation and responsibility that requires us time and energy to finish it. If we keep allowing other people to interrupt our already limited time, then how can we be closer to completion? Even if it was for a good intention, we should discipline ourselves and say no to extra things that doesn't help us get faster to our destinations.

I had my own case of time robbery. Few years ago I worked in a very highly operating team. We were very solid and work hard together. I could easily went into overtime because I have many projects and tasks to complete. We were close to each other, so when someone suggested we have a team outing, I unwittingly said yes.

At that time I already have a family : my husband and my mom. Sometimes I feel guilty when I have to work from home. Not only I bring my job home, I still working from home, while I should have spend more time with them. I already have 40 hours a week away from them, and now, I even taxing their time with me because I misplaced my priorities.

The team outing has been arranged and it happens on the same day of my husband's birthday. I told him this only takes 2 hours. Just 2 hours. Then I'm yours for the rest of the day. He was very understanding and wish me to have fun with my teammates. So here I go, with all of my coworkers, went to see a movie in Cinetopia, our favorite movie theater. While I watched the movie, something is nagging at me. I felt uneasy. I thought,"I should have spend the time with my husband and my mom, celebrating his birthday, making his day special! Instead, what am I doing here?"

Don't get me wrong. It is important to have a good relationship with your teammates. After all, they're the ones that support you and they are critical for your success at your job. But, after the clocking hours, it is your family time. It is your personal time. Your family is important too, and actually it's more important than your job. Why? Because they're the ones who pick up the pieces when your job say goodbye to you. When your job no longer need you, they're the ones who will be beside you when you're hunting another jobs. Jobs to support your family.

From that moment, I vow to not overmix my priorities. I limit my time to my work, because I need to set aside my time with my family, ... and with myself! I won't let anyone rob my time anymore. I won't let anyone dictate what should I do with my day, my hour, even my minute. I don't want to live with regret because I didn't spend time with the ones who matter the most.

Don't let time robber steal your precious time. You can't get it back.

b. Draining Environment


There are certain people in our lives that continues being a drama queen, drama king, blow up small things to big things, and draining our energy. They are everywhere. They constantly seeking our attention, begging our sympathy, or simply undermining us so they can feel better about themselves. This is what the experts labeled as "toxic people".

There's only one thing that we should do to toxic people. Keep your boundaries. Say no. You don't have enough time already with your life, why should you spare another moment to let them crowding your plates? I'm not being mean, but seriously, if these same people keep hindering you away from your happiness and your goals, then why?

Disconnect. Cut it loose. Just like a bad investment, you have to know when to get out.

I'm not saying that you have to completely ignore him/her and gave them a silent treatment. I'm just saying no to that draining behavior. You can still have a relationship with them, but the minute they start complaining, get out. Excuse yourself. "I'm sorry, I have to go." Don't give them the reason why. Explaining doesn't make things better. They won't understand. If they truly a good friend, they won't hold grudge to you. Beside, you do have other important priorities to do, right?

Limit your exposure to a draining environment. Surround yourself with uplifting environment. With people who truly loves you, care about you, and support you no matter what. Choose your environment wisely.

Conclusion:
Keep saying no is a positive attitude. If you keep saying no to the wrong things, eventually you'll say yes to the right thing. It'll make your "YES" priceless.