Just In Case This Happens To You

In an ideal world, we marry only one person and live happily ever after. Till death do us part.

But since when life is perfect?

Unfortunately, some of us might have faced betrayals from our spouses, no matter our gender is. Adultery is not exclusively done by men to their wives. It's also done by women to their husbands.

So just in case this ever happen to you, here's some tips to help you ease the pain:

1. Read this article. It is titled Strong Woman, but if you're a man, you can replace "her" with "him".

2. Know that it's not you. It's them. It is not your fault. His/her cheating is their flaws, not yours. You didn't do it. You were loyal and faithful. So don't get lured with the "not enough" mentality that the other party tried to pin their wrongdoing on you. Nope! It's not your fault, it's theirs. They're the ones that don't know the meaning of "integrity".

3. His mistress / her new man is not any better than you are. Definitely not!

4. The faster you can leave him/her, the better. Why stay with a cheater? Once a cheater, always a cheater. There's 7 billions people in the world. Surely there's one that understand what's the meaning of love and loyalty? Better than this cheater.

5. Focus on you. Now it's the time to focus on your own goals. Protect your assets. Get a good lawyer. And do it fast. Do it now. No more turning back.

6. I know that we're tempted to change ourselves to not be ourselves. "Maybe if I less talking." "Maybe if I cook better." "Maybe if I work harder." No way! Our spouse supposed to accept us for who we are : either loud or calm. They know our personality way before they decided to marry us. So why we have to change? If you're a type A, you will always be a type A. I'm okay if we want to be better and shred bad habits, but personality, who we are, never change. And if he/she loves us truly, they will like us the way we are, so we don't have to be someone we're not.

7. Once you close this chapter, put this behind you. Keep walking forward and do not look back. Take the lesson, say thank you for the experience, and move. No more regrets. Remember, it's not your fault!!! It is his/her fault. So STOP blaming yourself! Go make sandwich! Do laundry! Whatever it is, continue moving forward. Your future is so much brighter without this backstabber.

8. You will find happiness again. You will regain your strength. You will know yourself more. If you're a woman, put on a make up and go out again. Get girlfriends together and go shopping. No need to spend money if you don't have, just window shopping alone is fun. If you a guy, go get some beers with your guy friends.

9. Happy people attract happy people. Be genuine. Be truly happy and accept your lot in life. The faster you're in the acceptance level, the faster you'll be in happy valley again. Count your blessings, starting from your health. Smile. Watch lots of comedies. Eventually you'll be surrounded with happy people who care about you and wants the best for you. These are the people worth having for.

10. If you have family, focus on your children. They need your support more than ever. Focus on rebuilding your life together without the cheating leaving spouse anymore. And I surely hope that the custody battle is not prolonged. I know how stressful this can be. Take it one day at a time.

11. Don't ever ever ever think to "get back together again". Forgiveness is noble, but like point #7 above mentioned, take the lesson. Never forget. Yes, let's forgive so we can move on and not carrying this heavy baggage, but don't daydream to get back together. Do you want to be a spare tire again? Remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't lower your quality to be with someone who did not appreciate you. Trust is earned. And once it's broken, it's done.

12. Cry as much as you want. It's okay to cry. It's not a weakness. It's a release. Eat ice cream after that. Dark chocolate, strawberry, or pistachio. Whatever you want.

I hope this never happens to you. But just in case it happens, I'm here for you.

Nature Time

Grant, Joni, Angie, and I spent a lovely afternoon with nature! We went to Cougar Creek, a hidden gem in Vancouver, Washington, USA.

First, walk in the forest. Exploring trails and pathways. Then, we arrived at the creek. I can hear the fresh water flowing over the rocks. The water glistened when the sun hit it. So beautiful!

The girls were having fun. Right away they took off their shoes and socks. Barefoot, they play in the pond. Throwing rocks. Playing with the sand.

I have a lot of fun too! Thinking to myself,"Hm, this is such a great spot to make my daily video!" So I pulled my camera out and start recording. And here's the video!

We were not alone.

There were other companions: Daniel and Isaiah, 2 boys about Joni's age. They are cousins. They have 2 dogs with them: Lucy and Ruby. Daniel and Isaiah were making a rock bridge! How cool is that!

After a while, the four of us sat down in the sand and enjoy some mango with Tajin seasoning. Yum!!! The feeling is priceless. Breeze all over your hair, the sounds of bird singing, the soft sound of the river collides with big and small rocks. Nature is so wonderful!

Afterwards, we packed our bags and hitting the next spot. While we're walking, we passed a group of family who offered free popsicles!! It was to celebrate someone's birthday! Yay! Thank you so much for these free dessert!

Then, we found the next spot in the forest. A picnic table was ready, complete with the benches. We took out the lunch that Grant had prepared: turkey sandwich! Angie is making lemonade. Sitting in the middle of tall grees and these beautiful luscious greeneries, with people you love (and love you back), it feels peaceful. Life is good!

After lunch, we walked some more. So this is hiking. Grant found some spots here and there. And shared some history behind it. Such a tour guide! He grew up here, so he knew these areas well, just like the back of his hands.

I had the luxury to spend time with nature today. And with my new family. I love it! What a gorgeous day!!!

Don't Quit

When things go wrong,

As they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging,

Seems all uphill,

When the funds are low,

And the debts are high,

And you want to smile,

But you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you,

Down a bit,

Rest if you must,

But don't you quit.

Success is failure turn inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell,

How close you are.

It maybe near when it seems a far.

So stick to the fight,

When you're hardest hit,

It's when things go wrong,

That you must not quit.

Think, Not Memorize

We all given a brain to think, not memorize.

In this video, I share what David Schwartz outlined in his book,"The Magic of Thinking Big", on page 46. The ability to think is more valuable than the ability to memorize facts. We should use our brain to think, to ponder, to reflect, not trying to remembering facts that can easily be found in books, internet, and other resources.

Albert Einstein once being asked,"How many feet in a mile?". He simply answered,"I don't know. Why would I need to fill my brain with facts that can easily be found in 2 minutes in encyclopedia?".

Einstein teach us a very valuable lesson. It's more important to use our brain to think rather than to use it as fact storage. 

That's what Google, Alexa, and Siri are for.

Think of an idea. Of a plan. Of implementation. Strategic thinking.

Knowing difficult jargon in scientific world doesn't make one smarter. What make a person smart is if the person know the purpose of things, and not only knowing, but apply it in real life practices. Having a smartphone or smartwatch doesn't make someone smart. But using the smartphone and smartwatch to improve our quality of life is a smart move.

How to think is more important than how many intellect we have. Thinking outside the box, be resourceful and creative, is much better skills to have rather than have an IQ over 125.

Let's use our brain to develop ideas, brainstorming, think of a better way, more efficient and effective, find new ways to make our lives better.

Am I using my mental capacity to create history? Or am I using it to record history that have already been made by someone else?

A Night To Remember

So.. it was a random evening. June 25, 2019. So random, right?

I looked at my watch. It was slightly after 8.30 pm. We (Grant, Angie, and I) are picking up Joni from her dance class. Joni is a slender 11 year old girl with such a nimble body! Love to see her making those dance moves!

An hour before, while waiting for Joni, the three of us played soccer. Angie, the strongest 8 year old girl I've ever known, always blocking me when I tried to score a goal! She's getting better and better being a goalie!

Back to slightly after 8.30 pm now.

The four of us walked out from the dance school, and to Grant's car. Angie was whispering something in Grant's ear. I casually looked at her in the backseat, and Angie said,"I think Peggy is onto us." I have no idea what she was talking about.

I thought we were going home.

But instead he turned the car to Wintler Park. I was wondering in my heart,"Why we're here?". But then I guess Grant was going to show me that there are beaches in Vancouver, Washington. Not all beaches are in Oregon. Okay, then. 14 years living in Vancouver and I had no idea there is a beach in Vancouver, near Highway 14, hahaha!

After parking, Grant and Angie walked ahead of us to the sandy beach. Joni and I walked side by side, and she was telling me a story about a conversation with her friend, Cayden. Something about how Cayden will propose his girl to become his wife. I listened to her attentively and had no idea there's a hidden meaning behind the story. I always like to listened to Joni's stories anyway.

Finally Joni and I caught up with Grant and Angie. Grant said,"Ok girls, get your phone out and take our pictures." I should have been suspicious at this moment. Grant? Picture? Haha. That supposed to be me saying that, LOL! Everyone and their grandmas now that I love taking pictures, anytime, anywhere! But I was too excited to spend some times in a new area that I've never visited before, so I pull out my camera and give it to Joni, so she can take our photos!

Alright. It's photo shoot time. Yay! Grant was on my right, hug my shoulder with his left arm, and I was trying being fabulous. Haha! You know, the wind on the beach blowing your hair away, hold your stomach so it looks flat, flashing a happy smile to the camera, giving it your best! Well, I do feel happy anyway! It's after work, after dinner, and just relax now!

Little did I know... like 10 seconds later, Grant presented me a little black box, opened with a beautiful ring in it! OMG! I think I was in shock or stunned or something like that, because suddenly my brain stopped working. I was like,"Really? Right now? Not next year?"

Before I could realize what was going on, he went down on one knee, and proposed me.

"Peggy Sanders, will you marry me?"

And he said more things that I don't remember exactly words for words, but I don't forget the feeling. For a fleeting moment, I tried to digest what's happening right now. But then I remember that he asked me a question.

So I said,"Yes."

Good thing Joni recorded some of these moments in this video, so we have at least the 48 seconds of what was happening in Wintler beach that night. Joni was also watching what was happening and don't want to miss out anything, so sometimes she put the camera away (and that's why you only see feet for some seconds there, hahahaha!). Angie was a sweetie too. The girls are so supportive! Love them!

What also had made me so touched, is that the ring itself is actually Grant's mom's ring! OMG, thank you Kim!!! It made it ten times more precious rather than a store's ring. Because I feel they all accepting and welcoming me into their family.

So now suddenly I have a new family? Oh wow. I am so humbled with their love and appreciation. I can't forget Jun 25th, 2019. It was a night to remember. It was a perfect proposal for me. So unexpected.  Oh by the way, Grant and the girls have been planning this for.... 3 weeks! The girls were almost cracked holding secrets that long! Hahahaha, so funny!

I know he was going to propose to me at some day in the future. I just never thought that day was yesterday. At about 8.45 pm.

After that, we went to Burgerville and get some milkshakes, to celebrate this life-changing moment. How sweet is that? Literally sweet! ♥

And they all live happily ever after. The End.

How To Listen To Your Inner Voice

The world is noisy.

TV. Movies. Netflix. Facebook. Instagram. And all other social media out there. And oh, let's not forget, 7 billion people in the world.

Yeah, it's a noisy world.

So... how can we able to listen to our own inner voice? Where we are constantly bombarded with everything in life? Especially if you are parents! Oh, I can't imagine!

Here's some tips I received from a wise man when I had a chance to sit down and listen to the wisdom of the day:

1. Be still and listen.
You can't listen to news and to yourself at the same time. Have a quiet moment. Go outside. Look at nature. Be in the nature. Close your eyes and quiet your mind.

2. Watch.
Observe. Use your 2 eyes. Watch what is happening. Then think. Have a clarity of mind. And heart.

3. Write down.
So you don't forget it. Sometimes good idea come just out of nowhere. And it'll fleet if it's not caught.

Always listen to your gut feeling. When somethings seems wrong, it sometimes actually is. Trust your instinct. We, human being, are equipped with the natural instinct to survive. To fight or flight.

Trust your judgment. And you're unsure on what to do, seek counsel from wise people, not fools. Not inexperience people with opinion, you don't need those. You need better people that had already walk the talk, already proof that they once upon a time ago was in your position too, and be able to find a solution to the problem.

Be smart. Be wise. Be calm.

Planning

In this video, I talked about the benefit of planning. 

Brian Tracy once said,"Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes in execution." That wisdom is so true. Think about it. You don't have to think about it anymore, you can just do your plan.

Of course not everything you plan will become fruitful. But if you don't plan anything at all, you're not going to succeed. Just like everything in life, you have to have a strategy. Have a plan. Back up plan if needed. Plan B. Life is always about how you handle plan B anyway.

Nobody going to get in Uber and say to the driver : Just take me wherever you want to go. Haha, I think not! When you're using Uber, you're going to put your destination in the app, and the Uber driver will take you there.

Same thing with life. To get to where you want in life, you have to have a clear goal, then a step-by-step plan on how to get there. Plan ahead. Plan gives you clarity. Plan gives you a structure on how to get things done. And in the end of the day, result is what matter.

Run the day, don't let the day run you. Don't just drift in life and let yourself being pulled in this direction or that direction. Instead, build your future. Know what you want, where to go, and how to get there. When there's a will there's a way. Have an open mind. Be creative and efficient with your time.

Everybody has the same 24 hours in a day:
8 hours to sleep.
8 hours to work/business/school.
8 hours to run errands/rest & relax/reconnect with family & friends/entertainment & decrease stress.

So be effective with your time. One way to achieve this, is to plan your minutes. Have a goal, have a clear schedule, so this way you can say yes to opportunities that bring you closer to your goals, and say no to things that just going to distract you and are wasteful.

Planning is how you get the most benefit of your time. You will accomplish much more by planning.

Plan. Strategize. Get it done.

Make the World a Better Place

We all been given so much. A life. Family. Health. The Internet! :)

So let's do our part to make the world a better place. Our job is to help each other, lift up one another, influence others to be better than yesterday.

Here are some things we all can easily do to make a world a better place. This is the people factor.

1. Use people's names.
When you meet someone new, say their names at least 3 times in a conversation. Names are the sweetest sound in their ear, so learn to use them. It is a sign of respect. You'll attract people faster this way.

2. Look at the person speaking to you.
Make the eye contact. When someone speaking to you, it's rude to not facing them. Learn this manners and you'll gain respect from the person talking to you.

3. Appreciate.
Always bestow your appreciation, no matter how small they are. If someone make breakfast to you, say thank you. If someone throw compliment your way, say thank you. Always be humble and appreciate everyone who help you along the way.

4. Manners matters.
Please and thank you. No matter what century you live in, please and thank you are the sign you are civilized and educated people. Learn table manners. Be mindful of other's people space. Be courteous. If you saw elderly, pregnant ladies, or disabled people, give up your seat. Manners will carry you far wherever and whenever you are.

Times might change. The way we pay our bills might be different than the last decade. But these basic people skills are still valid until today, and whatever year in the future later. Why? Because people don't change. People still people. A 7 year old last century and a 7 year old next century will still be the same. So the more you can increase your EQ and people skill, the better influence you'll impact the world.

And isn't that what we want? To live in a better place for you and people you love?

We can do this when we all work together and do our part! :)

The Happiness Workout

Just like everything in life, you have to work for it.


Want to be healthy? Exercise and eat right.
Want to be rich? Save, invest, and live below your means.
Want to be happy? Do the happiness workout!


In this video, I listed 3 things:
a. Gratitude.
b. Find what's right.
c. Take your meds!


In this article, I list 3 times more!


Happiness doesn't just happen by itself. It's a result of continous positive thinking, refusing to be in a negative mental state, discipline on being emotionally well, and silver-lining habits.


Here are some mental exercise that can keep your happiness in a healthy level:


1. Don't list the problems, they are magnified 10x when you write it down.


2. Instead, write 3 things you grateful for. Find something good. The ability to see, to work with your hands, 100% able body to live without oxygen tank. That's a starter. Do this every morning.


3. Anytime negative thought creep in, distract yourself with action. Household chores. Cleaning. Meal planning. Anything productive.


4. Help other people. It'll give you a sense of fulfillment.


5. Always focus on your strength. Focus on the positive. Don't let your mind & emotions out of control.


6. Read uplifting blogs, like: peggysanders.blogspot.com.


7. Listen to inspiring podcast in YouTube. Or TedTalk.


8. Be creative of your situation. Use what you have. Budget. Have a plan to get out of debt. Control your expenses. Live frugal. Find better cheaper deal on living expenses. Say no to wants, just needs, know the difference.


9. Walk with me. I'm in this journey too. Let's be each other's support system!


Good job completing the happiness workout!