Perspective

I don't have everything I want. But I have everything I need.

To be able to breathe with my own lungs, it's a blessing.

I have 2 feet to take me to anywhere I want to go.

I have 2 eyes to help me see the beauty of this world.

I have met kind people who care and have big heart.

To be able to laugh when life is not perfect, it's a freeing thoughts.

I don't know everything, but I know how to use things according to it's purpose.

Perspective of life is everything.

Every day is a practice of being better. Thinking better, feeling better, living better.

If you be able to be happy in your present situation, whatever it is, you'll be happy when things get better.

And when things get worse, you'll be able to endure the trial because you are a human who possess the natural ability to survive.

I am thankful for all the experience I had, good and bad.

Life is a combination of everything : the laughter, the cry, the anger, the peace, the joy, the worry, the fear, the ambition, the panic, and the giggles.

When life start to drag us down, look at your hands. Still ten fingers? There are others who has less. I am a daughter of a man who loss his three fingers on his right hand. And he lived. And he died in peace.

Sometimes life evolved into a reality which we do not want. But as long we tried our best and give it all, it is okay. Let go the burden of the past because it's too heavy to carry everything into the present. Let it go.

When anxiety attacks, breathe and count to ten.

Find peace in doing little things. Putting things in order helps calms the mind.

I am happy I live today. If I'm not happy, I'll eat ice cream.

And when my life is over, I'll be happy too. Because that means I'm done.

Just Click "DELETE".

If you can read this, chances are you have social media in your life. And when you have social media, you will at one point post something, either a photo, a statement, a question, or a thought to the world wide web.

And chances are, there are someone who will be snarky and trying to be "smart" by giving an unwelcome sarcastic and rude comments.

And then we reply their comments. Trying to explain that they're missing the point. And they reply back. And the empty battle of words goes on and on and on. And everyone felt more rage, offended, and before we know it a friendship is broken. Everyone feel devastated. Added stress to life.

So here's an idea.

Instead of going thru all those unnecessary work, why don't we just do this one simple thing?

Just click "DELETE".

This way you avoid confrontation. You avoid wasting your time trying to win a stupid battle. Remember what Dale Carnegie had said in his book "How to Win Friends & Influence People"? Avoid confrontation at all cost. Never offend someone's ego.

I never have those "haters" reply back to the comments that I've deleted. They're not going to check back to the comments if there's nothing to reply to.

And guess what? You just get all your time back! No more typing back & forth. You can do laundry now! Or go jogging! Or whatever you want to do! Instead of simmering in boiled anger of reading those hateful words over again and again. Nope! No more time for that!

You want a simpler life? A happier life? Then just use that "DELETE" button. Problem solved!

The Other Side

This quote is so true.

Today my family and I visited the Leverich Park, in beautiful Vancouver, Washington. It was supposed to be the day for Joana to learn how to skate, and for Angie to play with her scooter. Grant did such a great job teaching Joni some tips and tricks!

After that, we headed to the playground. The girls did monkey bars, chain climbing, and other activities. Grant occasionally said,"I did this when I was your age, Peggy." Now mind you, I am not a teenager with a nimble body. I'm a 40 year old, almost 41, that has no business with any physical activities whatsoever since I don't exercise. Yeah yeah yeah, I know exercise is healthy for me, but let's face it. With 40 hours (and more) at work, and a house to take care of after that (like bills, laundry, and cooking - although not full force yet since Grant did a great job doing his shares), I have no interest nor energy to exercise, lol.

I was timid.

I tried at first. Climbing the first chain or two. And then I stopped. I thought I will never be able to do it. Let's get back to reality. This is my fourth decade in this world, and I'm not as active as these girls!

So I stopped. I go back to the bench when Grant sat. And watched the girls.

And then a crazy idea slip to my head.

"What if I can do it?". "Why don't I try it again?"

So I told Grant that I'm going to try to do it. Just to see what happen next.

I ran to the chain climbing area and start climbing. And then I'm stuck! At one moment I thought I was just going to give up. But Joni, Angie, and Grant keep pushing me (not literally, just verbally, lol). And Grant did helped me pointing out some directions and even fixing my foot position! Their ongoing support did motivate me. I don't know how many times I shouted,"Oh my God!" Hahaha!

In the end, I did completed the challenge that I created for myself, lol. Good thing Joni catch the moment in this video. It feels so good when my feet touch the ground again! I am glad I didn't quit. I'm glad I get to say : I completed it!

I just proved to myself that I have :
- determination
- grit
- willpower
- tenacity
- family who love me and cheer for me!

Thank you Grant, Joni, and Angie for being there for me. It is just a small thing, but it means the world for me. It is kinda of big deal!! I never done this before and I just did it! Wow!

Like what I said in this video (a different one), if you want something different and exciting in your life, try to dare yourself! Do something new that you've never done before, and complete it! You might surprise yourself! :)

Timeline

Timeline is a graphic representation of the passage of time as a line.

I like this timeline concept. It reminds me that life is short and I better start doing and moving!!

When I used to live with my parents, I put it in a piece of paper and draw a line. Then, I put the years, for example : 1995, 1996, 1997, and so on. You get the idea. Below each year, I put 3 sub-line : my age, my dad's age, my mom's age. And as I see my "future" and my parents's "future" age, I start questioning if I have enough time to accomplish anything I want, and will that happen while my parents still alive. It got me thinking. And start doing things.

Then, I committed to finish my bachelor degree in exactly 4 years. I want to finish in 2001, so this will give enough time for me to start working and build my career, and my new life! Indonesian culture back in the day is different than in USA now. (I was Indonesian back then, now I'm a US citizen). Also, I don't know Indonesian culture now as I don't live there anymore. Back in the day, children don't move out from their parents's house when they turn 18, instead they will leave their parents's house when they get married. So I had the luxury to build up my initial banking career while still living with my parents before I get married.

Fast forward to 2014. By now my dad already passed away. RIP Pap. In this year I live with my ex-husband and my mom. So I did the same thing. The only difference is instead of putting in a piece of paper, I put it in excel sheet. I do 3 age columns : my age, his age, my mom's age. I also put the year. So it looks like this:

Year   My age   His age   M's age
2014    36            41         58
2015    37            42         59
2016    38            43         60

And so on. And I put our financial goals next to those numbers. Like how much savings we should have by then, how much retirement funds we should have at certain age, etc. This also reminds me of their mortality. As the youngest of the family, sometimes I feel worry and concern because they're not getting any younger, and I just don't want to face the day when they're going to pass away from this world! Ugh, unbearable!

Fast forward to today, 2019.

It's a new family now. It's me, my fiancee, and his 2 daughters. New family, new life, new priorities. And guess what? I just did the timeline again!! This time the purpose is to estimate how old the girls will be correlated to our age. And start planning ahead for their future : schools, activities, etc. This also is a poignant reminder that me and my fiancee are not getting any younger. That means the focus on building the future together is important : both emotionally and financially.

I guess I should indeed get married with him in March 2020. We'll see.

This timeline really helps to guide us to our tomorrows. I don't want to be like in 2023, and what have we done? Nothing? No way! We should continue focus on finishing our short term goals, while continue planting the seed to meet our medium goals, and long term goals.

Try it. Try to put your own timeline together. See what you want to accomplish in the next 3, 5, 8, and even 10 years. What you want to be done. Where you want to be. Although I know life will always throw us a curve ball, we should remember what's truly important and that way not missing the big picture.

Timeline reminds us that time is limited. It's always limited. Time itself is infinite, but our time is not. One day our own days will be ended. So while we still alive, be happy, be peaceful, strive for success, and love each other.  Especially at each other. Our timeline and their timeline might one day not be aligned anymore. And you'll be glad that once upon a time ago you had your happy moments together.

Don't Keep Patching The Holes

Once upon a time there was a fisherman that has a sinking boat. He kept patching the new holes day after day, that somehow continue to happen in his boat. He is patching one hole after another. He can't focus fishing because these holes are making his boat sinking deeper and deeper.

His friend see this, and simply ask,"Why don't you just replace your boat with a new one? Instead of keep patching the holes, isn't it easier to just let go of your old boat and get a replacement with no holes?"

Sometimes we are like that fisherman.

We kept patching crises after crises that keep popping in our lives. Sometimes what we need is a brand new plan that is totally different that our current life right now. Perhaps we need to examine our life in a fresher perspective.

Instead of kept forgetting where we put our phones, maybe we should designate a regular place for it. Same place, every time. So this way we can find our phones faster. No more wasting time. It's just silly to waste 20 minutes trying to find your phone because it's not in it's regular place.

Routines and habits are good. The good ones though. The bad ones, we need to toss them away. There's no place for "junk foods" for our minds : like meaningless TV show and trashy gossip articles. Instead, let's replace those with educational documentaries about new learning, skills, arts, and cultures. And comedies! Now that is ok! And let's read more inspirational stories from real people, how they overcome their struggles, how they rise to the occasion.

Sometimes we're too consumed with today. And forgot to plan for tomorrow. And we kept repeating the whole cycle all over again. Today become yesterday. Tomorrow become today. And we continue dealing with today, that we have no time whatsoever to plan ahead for tomorrow. We letting today dictate our actions, instead of directing our energies to create our tomorrow. By the way, tomorrow always come, so might as well plan ahead because it's coming no matter what.

Ok, so sometimes the future is different that what we had planned. It's ok. But most of the time, we can still control the outcome. Have a goal, discipline, and repeat small repetitive habits that building our lives to be better. We eventually shaping our tomorrow to what we desired. Closer to our ideals.

My point is, don't keep dealing with today's crises. Yes, it's urgent. But invest some of your time to plan for tomorrow, the next day, and beyond. Have a long term goal (10 years+), medium term (5 - 10 years), and short term goal (less than 5 years). Don't let fate or destiny or "going with the flow" drift your days.

Your life is like a boat in the sea. You need to be able to grab the steering wheel and start directing to the destination you'd like to end up. Don't just drift. Don't just patching the holes. Sometimes it's okay to let go the old boat and get a new boat with no holes. Easier that way.

Just In Case This Happens To You

In an ideal world, we marry only one person and live happily ever after. Till death do us part.

But since when life is perfect?

Unfortunately, some of us might have faced betrayals from our spouses, no matter our gender is. Adultery is not exclusively done by men to their wives. It's also done by women to their husbands.

So just in case this ever happen to you, here's some tips to help you ease the pain:

1. Read this article. It is titled Strong Woman, but if you're a man, you can replace "her" with "him".

2. Know that it's not you. It's them. It is not your fault. His/her cheating is their flaws, not yours. You didn't do it. You were loyal and faithful. So don't get lured with the "not enough" mentality that the other party tried to pin their wrongdoing on you. Nope! It's not your fault, it's theirs. They're the ones that don't know the meaning of "integrity".

3. His mistress / her new man is not any better than you are. Definitely not!

4. The faster you can leave him/her, the better. Why stay with a cheater? Once a cheater, always a cheater. There's 7 billions people in the world. Surely there's one that understand what's the meaning of love and loyalty? Better than this cheater.

5. Focus on you. Now it's the time to focus on your own goals. Protect your assets. Get a good lawyer. And do it fast. Do it now. No more turning back.

6. I know that we're tempted to change ourselves to not be ourselves. "Maybe if I less talking." "Maybe if I cook better." "Maybe if I work harder." No way! Our spouse supposed to accept us for who we are : either loud or calm. They know our personality way before they decided to marry us. So why we have to change? If you're a type A, you will always be a type A. I'm okay if we want to be better and shred bad habits, but personality, who we are, never change. And if he/she loves us truly, they will like us the way we are, so we don't have to be someone we're not.

7. Once you close this chapter, put this behind you. Keep walking forward and do not look back. Take the lesson, say thank you for the experience, and move. No more regrets. Remember, it's not your fault!!! It is his/her fault. So STOP blaming yourself! Go make sandwich! Do laundry! Whatever it is, continue moving forward. Your future is so much brighter without this backstabber.

8. You will find happiness again. You will regain your strength. You will know yourself more. If you're a woman, put on a make up and go out again. Get girlfriends together and go shopping. No need to spend money if you don't have, just window shopping alone is fun. If you a guy, go get some beers with your guy friends.

9. Happy people attract happy people. Be genuine. Be truly happy and accept your lot in life. The faster you're in the acceptance level, the faster you'll be in happy valley again. Count your blessings, starting from your health. Smile. Watch lots of comedies. Eventually you'll be surrounded with happy people who care about you and wants the best for you. These are the people worth having for.

10. If you have family, focus on your children. They need your support more than ever. Focus on rebuilding your life together without the cheating leaving spouse anymore. And I surely hope that the custody battle is not prolonged. I know how stressful this can be. Take it one day at a time.

11. Don't ever ever ever think to "get back together again". Forgiveness is noble, but like point #7 above mentioned, take the lesson. Never forget. Yes, let's forgive so we can move on and not carrying this heavy baggage, but don't daydream to get back together. Do you want to be a spare tire again? Remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't lower your quality to be with someone who did not appreciate you. Trust is earned. And once it's broken, it's done.

12. Cry as much as you want. It's okay to cry. It's not a weakness. It's a release. Eat ice cream after that. Dark chocolate, strawberry, or pistachio. Whatever you want.

I hope this never happens to you. But just in case it happens, I'm here for you.

Nature Time

Grant, Joni, Angie, and I spent a lovely afternoon with nature! We went to Cougar Creek, a hidden gem in Vancouver, Washington, USA.

First, walk in the forest. Exploring trails and pathways. Then, we arrived at the creek. I can hear the fresh water flowing over the rocks. The water glistened when the sun hit it. So beautiful!

The girls were having fun. Right away they took off their shoes and socks. Barefoot, they play in the pond. Throwing rocks. Playing with the sand.

I have a lot of fun too! Thinking to myself,"Hm, this is such a great spot to make my daily video!" So I pulled my camera out and start recording. And here's the video!

We were not alone.

There were other companions: Daniel and Isaiah, 2 boys about Joni's age. They are cousins. They have 2 dogs with them: Lucy and Ruby. Daniel and Isaiah were making a rock bridge! How cool is that!

After a while, the four of us sat down in the sand and enjoy some mango with Tajin seasoning. Yum!!! The feeling is priceless. Breeze all over your hair, the sounds of bird singing, the soft sound of the river collides with big and small rocks. Nature is so wonderful!

Afterwards, we packed our bags and hitting the next spot. While we're walking, we passed a group of family who offered free popsicles!! It was to celebrate someone's birthday! Yay! Thank you so much for these free dessert!

Then, we found the next spot in the forest. A picnic table was ready, complete with the benches. We took out the lunch that Grant had prepared: turkey sandwich! Angie is making lemonade. Sitting in the middle of tall grees and these beautiful luscious greeneries, with people you love (and love you back), it feels peaceful. Life is good!

After lunch, we walked some more. So this is hiking. Grant found some spots here and there. And shared some history behind it. Such a tour guide! He grew up here, so he knew these areas well, just like the back of his hands.

I had the luxury to spend time with nature today. And with my new family. I love it! What a gorgeous day!!!

Don't Quit

When things go wrong,

As they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging,

Seems all uphill,

When the funds are low,

And the debts are high,

And you want to smile,

But you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you,

Down a bit,

Rest if you must,

But don't you quit.

Success is failure turn inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell,

How close you are.

It maybe near when it seems a far.

So stick to the fight,

When you're hardest hit,

It's when things go wrong,

That you must not quit.

Think, Not Memorize

We all given a brain to think, not memorize.

In this video, I share what David Schwartz outlined in his book,"The Magic of Thinking Big", on page 46. The ability to think is more valuable than the ability to memorize facts. We should use our brain to think, to ponder, to reflect, not trying to remembering facts that can easily be found in books, internet, and other resources.

Albert Einstein once being asked,"How many feet in a mile?". He simply answered,"I don't know. Why would I need to fill my brain with facts that can easily be found in 2 minutes in encyclopedia?".

Einstein teach us a very valuable lesson. It's more important to use our brain to think rather than to use it as fact storage. 

That's what Google, Alexa, and Siri are for.

Think of an idea. Of a plan. Of implementation. Strategic thinking.

Knowing difficult jargon in scientific world doesn't make one smarter. What make a person smart is if the person know the purpose of things, and not only knowing, but apply it in real life practices. Having a smartphone or smartwatch doesn't make someone smart. But using the smartphone and smartwatch to improve our quality of life is a smart move.

How to think is more important than how many intellect we have. Thinking outside the box, be resourceful and creative, is much better skills to have rather than have an IQ over 125.

Let's use our brain to develop ideas, brainstorming, think of a better way, more efficient and effective, find new ways to make our lives better.

Am I using my mental capacity to create history? Or am I using it to record history that have already been made by someone else?

A Night To Remember

So.. it was a random evening. June 25, 2019. So random, right?

I looked at my watch. It was slightly after 8.30 pm. We (Grant, Angie, and I) are picking up Joni from her dance class. Joni is a slender 11 year old girl with such a nimble body! Love to see her making those dance moves!

An hour before, while waiting for Joni, the three of us played soccer. Angie, the strongest 8 year old girl I've ever known, always blocking me when I tried to score a goal! She's getting better and better being a goalie!

Back to slightly after 8.30 pm now.

The four of us walked out from the dance school, and to Grant's car. Angie was whispering something in Grant's ear. I casually looked at her in the backseat, and Angie said,"I think Peggy is onto us." I have no idea what she was talking about.

I thought we were going home.

But instead he turned the car to Wintler Park. I was wondering in my heart,"Why we're here?". But then I guess Grant was going to show me that there are beaches in Vancouver, Washington. Not all beaches are in Oregon. Okay, then. 14 years living in Vancouver and I had no idea there is a beach in Vancouver, near Highway 14, hahaha!

After parking, Grant and Angie walked ahead of us to the sandy beach. Joni and I walked side by side, and she was telling me a story about a conversation with her friend, Cayden. Something about how Cayden will propose his girl to become his wife. I listened to her attentively and had no idea there's a hidden meaning behind the story. I always like to listened to Joni's stories anyway.

Finally Joni and I caught up with Grant and Angie. Grant said,"Ok girls, get your phone out and take our pictures." I should have been suspicious at this moment. Grant? Picture? Haha. That supposed to be me saying that, LOL! Everyone and their grandmas now that I love taking pictures, anytime, anywhere! But I was too excited to spend some times in a new area that I've never visited before, so I pull out my camera and give it to Joni, so she can take our photos!

Alright. It's photo shoot time. Yay! Grant was on my right, hug my shoulder with his left arm, and I was trying being fabulous. Haha! You know, the wind on the beach blowing your hair away, hold your stomach so it looks flat, flashing a happy smile to the camera, giving it your best! Well, I do feel happy anyway! It's after work, after dinner, and just relax now!

Little did I know... like 10 seconds later, Grant presented me a little black box, opened with a beautiful ring in it! OMG! I think I was in shock or stunned or something like that, because suddenly my brain stopped working. I was like,"Really? Right now? Not next year?"

Before I could realize what was going on, he went down on one knee, and proposed me.

"Peggy Sanders, will you marry me?"

And he said more things that I don't remember exactly words for words, but I don't forget the feeling. For a fleeting moment, I tried to digest what's happening right now. But then I remember that he asked me a question.

So I said,"Yes."

Good thing Joni recorded some of these moments in this video, so we have at least the 48 seconds of what was happening in Wintler beach that night. Joni was also watching what was happening and don't want to miss out anything, so sometimes she put the camera away (and that's why you only see feet for some seconds there, hahahaha!). Angie was a sweetie too. The girls are so supportive! Love them!

What also had made me so touched, is that the ring itself is actually Grant's mom's ring! OMG, thank you Kim!!! It made it ten times more precious rather than a store's ring. Because I feel they all accepting and welcoming me into their family.

So now suddenly I have a new family? Oh wow. I am so humbled with their love and appreciation. I can't forget Jun 25th, 2019. It was a night to remember. It was a perfect proposal for me. So unexpected.  Oh by the way, Grant and the girls have been planning this for.... 3 weeks! The girls were almost cracked holding secrets that long! Hahahaha, so funny!

I know he was going to propose to me at some day in the future. I just never thought that day was yesterday. At about 8.45 pm.

After that, we went to Burgerville and get some milkshakes, to celebrate this life-changing moment. How sweet is that? Literally sweet! ♥

And they all live happily ever after. The End.