Strong Woman

A strong woman will say her goodbye differently as she is not just a woman. She won't cry for a long time, she won't blame on your previous mistakes, and she won't force you to stay either. She is familiar with separation as she is stronger because of it.

She will let you leave as she knows exactly that people are temporary and most of the times, life goes on with or without the one she has loved. She will respect your decision to leave because she understands that you deserve to be happy and explore this whole world as long as you possibly can. A strong woman knows that she has to survive alone and she will never rely on others just because her heart was broken.

A strong woman will always remember that attention and affection are the things that shouldn't be asked from other people because love should be simple and easy.

She is the kind of woman who truly understands that the right people will always stay and if you decide to leave, she believes that she will meet countless new people along the way. She knows that every ending will always be followed by a new beginning and she is not afraid to start over. This kind of woman is tired of always being left behind and taken for granted, but she will never regret her decision to love you back then.

She is fearless and she knows that she will be brave enough to open her heart again, even though she has been hurt for million times. This kind of woman will always keep her hopes alive as she believes that there are some people out there who won't leave her side whatever happens. Your absence will teach her about her own worth and she will eventually realize that she will always be herself, with or without you.

Thus, rather than saying goodbye and mourning her loss of you, she will raise up once again and she will try her best to go through one day at a time.

Your absence will be her fuel to pursue her unmet goals and dreams. She will not only survive, she will achieve her dreams. Despite the fact that she is broken beyond repair, she knows exactly that she will grow stronger than before as she always learns from pain and you gave her so many lessons.

Rather than saying goodbye and asking you to come back, a strong woman will learn how to forgive herself. She will learn to love herself more than before as she realizes that self-love is the key to make her survive. She will try her best not to blame herself upon your decision to leave. She will convince herself that she had done her best to make you stay, yet you've left her anyway.

One thing for sure, when a strong woman says goodbye, she will never turn back.

So, when you come to your senses and realize that you've made a wrong decision to leave her, it will be too late as she has already moved on. A strong woman will always keep moving forward as she will never live in her past.  You are just a part of her past and she will keep it that way. She will forgive you, but she will never forget what you did.

When a strong woman says goodbye, that was the exact moment you will realize that she didn't lose anything; you lost her instead.

Cut It Loose

You know my favorite phrase: Past performance doesn't guarantee future results. It's so true. Just because someone was good for the last decade or two, doesn't mean that he/she will be good in the future. They could become bad, corrupted, and fall into an unreachable lowest level.

To sum it up, for recent events that have been ongoing in my life for the last half year, I finally decided to treat all these situation as if I was to handle a bad investment. What will you do in a bad investment? Are you going to hold on to it forever? Hoping it will one day rebound back? Or are you just going to cut it loose?

I'm going to cut it loose. Just like a bad investment. Cut it loose and move on. Find a better deal somewhere.

I think this way we can cut the cancer of our lives and move on to a brighter future. Not saying that the grass will always be greener on the other side, but at least we can just remove ourselves from all the negativity and toxic situation that suck away our energy level. I've tried and tried and tried. And finally I decided to just call it quit. Better stop the loss now rather than bleed more and suffer more in the future.

Sometimes I feel that the world is really unfair. Oh I know that the world is always unfair. The reality is never the same of what we want it to be. You work hard, you live right, you do everything according to the highest moral standard, but somehow you're not getting the result you should get. There's always people that cut corners that somehow get ahead and get rewarded with everything. There's people that work half as hard as you do, and get everything they want. It's a double standard world. The world expect us to deliver our best, while the world doesn't have to behave the right way according to its own standard. How unfair.

Ok, let's stop this pity party now. Nobody likes a debbie downer so I rather cut myself short now. Before I got sucked in to more and more melodrama of my life.

Maybe one day I'll see the reason why everything has to happen. Maybe I won't. But for now, I need to continue to move on with my life. Forget everyone who had disappointing me. Forget everyone who had betrayed me. Forget everything that happened. Forget all the nightmares. Forget and just focus forward.

Silence is Golden

I am so proud of myself.

This morning I've made a decision. I decided to talk less towards my spouse. You see, my husband and I have been married for the last 13 years. The first 12 years was going great. But something happened in year thirteen that made us seems to grow apart. I'm not going into details here, but long story short, I am right now fighting hard for the survival of our marriage. I read somewhere in one of the internet blogs that marriage will peak up again after 20 years. And one of my friend that has been married for 25 plus years told me that it is getting better the longer we married. So basically I just need to survive this low slump, and believe that our marriage will be better again after we pass this perfect storm.

He wants less talk. He feel stress when I'm talking. The problem is, I am an extrovert. And I am very big in expressing my feelings. I am blunt. I speak what's on my mind. I just say what I feel and what I think to the most inner circle of my life. So unfortunately, this makes him likes me less. Maybe because I vent my frustration at everything. And who likes a nagging wife? A complaining wife? I wouldn't like to live with myself if all I do is just focusing on the negative in a daily basis.

Therefore, I decided to do something different. What's the definition of insanity? Doing something over and over again and expecting a different result. So guess what? I'm going to do something that I didn't do before. I am going to limit my talk to him. I'm not going to talk about my feelings, or what's on my mind, or what's worrying me, or whatever it is that bugging me. If I talk to him, it'll be just to the weather or household needs. Just as needed basis. 

And when he presented a topic that is difficult for me to digest, basically things that make me explode and be the queen of anger & wrath, I will simply treat it as if he speaks Swahili to me. I'll just look at him quietly and blank stare. Or maybe I'll just acknowledge and sympathize with him. I don't know for sure, but... definitely not talking. No words. No exchange words. Often time, my tongue got me into trouble. Often times, I open a Pandora Box when I start a conversation with him. So... I need to control which words that escape my lips, and be the master of my thoughts, and my feeling.

So far so good. This evening went by peacefully. I think I give him what he wants. And a happy husband is a happy life. I'm successfully navigated myself to speak less words compared to his words. Basically he is now talking more than me. Which is good.

Now, I am an expressionist. So what will I do to release my tension? I'll just blog here. I'll just pour out the words via this medium and that'll help me to release my inner thought. Beside, I work in an environment that requires me to do lots of talking. Isn't this excellent? I still get to talk, to other people, so at home I'll just be quiet. Just be still.

I guess it's true that silence is golden. We'll see if this works. Maybe I'll be lucky if we survive to year fourteen.

Mindset

You know the 5 steps of grief :
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

These steps are so true.

Right now I'm at the point of acceptance. And I felt I can only achieve this mindset after I finish running all my emotions from the first four stages. When I was in denial, I couldn't directly accept the truth. It's just a hard pill to swallow at that time. But when I'm in acceptance, suddenly I can clearly see the benefit of the situations, how can I turn it into my advantage, and just accept things the way they are. It's like, when life gives you lemon, make a lemonade philosophy.

I felt that it's important to always convey our emotion. Not at people who doesn't want to hear it out. But to other medium which we can express ourselves. That's why I'm so thankful for this blog! This is a place where I can quietly meditate my mind, try to process for anything that had happened to me lately, and try not to dwell in the past too much.

They say, it's all in your mindset. When things happen to you, can choose 2 things. You can choose to react negatively towards it, or you can choose to be positive about it. It's so dang hard to be positive when things happen not in our favor. I admit it. It's not easy. But do we have a choice in the matter? In the long run, is it more beneficial to keep down in the low, or to get up and start working at something else that will bring more progress? Focus on the big picture, focus on the long-term. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

We don't live only for today. Tomorrow we'll live. And the next day after that. So let's set our mindset to the positive channel. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to grief. But do more positive things to make your life better. When I'm in the blue, I like to shop. Somehow buying something new release a temporary joy in my heart. Weird. But I know at some point I got to stop and start saving towards my emergency fund. If that fund is full, fine, save more towards retirement. My future self will not mind to have more money in the end I think.

With the right mindset, we help us to lift ourselves up. Life still goes on. There are still responsibilities out there that need your attention. Perhaps organizing your things will help weed out those negative emotions. De-clutter always help. Cleaning is a good exercise. Journal your feelings  is always a good escape from reality. It makes you think in a deeper level. Do anything uplifting that bring progress. You'll feel happier and accomplished.

Control your mindset and don't let your mindset control you. Don't get trapped in the weeds of thoughts. Instead, direct it towards your goal and be very focus of it. Keep your eyes in the prize.

The Power of Positivity

"A man with one arm still feel happy, because he doesn't focus on his missing arm. Instead, he's thankful for his other arm and the two feet he has."

This simply means gratitude. To thankful for what we have instead of stressing for something we don't have.

Mind is like a garden. We need to always weed out negative thoughts and uncontrollable fantasy. Mind, when is unleashed, could lead into areas that we should never visit. Pity party and victim mentality are born from idle mind who are not goal focused and not concentrating on positivism.

When we have a positive thinking, we could make a greater impact to ourselves and people who surround us. We bring sunshine to the mankind and everyone who we interact with. We discipline ourselves with integrity and put away negative thinking in a box.

Be positive. Don't be negative. Don't always judge something harshly without knowing all the facts. Like Yoda once said,"Unlearned what you have learned." Look at the bright side.

I think Norman Vincent Peale detailed this superpower best in his book: The Power of Positive Thinking." What a great book to read!

"Your Cup is Full"

Last night, I have an interesting conversation with a friend.

She said,"I'm lonely. I feel like I have no friend at all. I feel like nobody cares about me."

I said,"Well, loneliness is a depressing feeling. Nobody wants to feel lonely and not being cared about. How about if I help you meet some new friends? There's a picnic next week at my school. I can introduce you with new friends to make your world brighter! More exciting!"

She replied,"Nah, I think I'd rather stay home. I don't want to have thousand of fake friendships. I'd rather have one or two real friendship with people I feel comfortable with."

I (thinking and not responding),"But you just said that you are lonely..."

I feel that she's not really lonely. It seems that she wants her problem to be resolved, but she doesn't really intend to. I say that her cup is full.

When your cup is full, you don't have any room to accept new ideas. Instead of acting like a sponge, absorbing new information and learn new life skills, you stunted your growth by closing your mind like an iron prison. You're not welcoming new perspective that could change your world to the better. To be able to improve in life, one must try to always empty their cups.

"You are like this cup; you are full of ideas. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can't put anything in. Before I can teach you, you'll have to empty your cup."

I wish I can say to her that her cup is full. But it's pointless since she wouldn't understand what I mean anyway. I can just put this a s a reminder to myself that I always have to try to empty my cup, empty my mind, so this way I can learn new information better. I must empty my cup. Everyday.

Another Day in Paradise

When you have a fight with someone, at what point do you know when to throw in the towel? To quit working together to repair the broken connection between you two? Or when to give that person another chance to prove that he/she is worthy of your friendship?

I can only think one answer for this question. I think it is okay to give him/her another chance if he/she is showing that they are trying to mend the relationship. If they have intention to give this another try too.

So my husband and I have been having a lot of fights lately. These are struggling times for the both of us. Some was caused due to outside factors that have nothing to do with us. Things that we don't have any control over. Some are caused by the things we caused ourselves. There are days that we just daydream what if we don't have each other anymore.

But the funny thing is, we possess this trait called resilience. It is a human nature to want to fix things. It feels like a challenge.

We decided to give it another try.

Last night, my husband said a magical phrase that suddenly make me laugh out loud, and forget about what we were fighting before. It is a phrase that I always say over & over again, and it rang true to my core. It is this:

"Past performance doesn't guarantee future results."

I'm an investment-minded woman. I like finance and investments stuff, and all the talk shows about it. In the past, I refer to that phrase to talk about our money, 401(k), and retirement plans. But last night when my husband said that (and he said that with a crooked smile too), I knew that he wasn't referred it to any dollar stuff. He referred it to us. Just because we have fight last month and last week, doesn't mean that we'll fight again tomorrow.

And it's true.  Today we don't have any fight at all! Actually we decided to clean up our house and reorganize few things. I feel so accomplished today!!! :)

So, for any couples out there that are in the midst of a perfect storm, I have an encouragement words for you today. Don't give up. Believe in your love. Give it a go again. Tomorrow is a new day. Live in the present. Don't always go back to the past and to get even. Forgive and move on. Don't quit.

It's another day in paradise.

Integrity

Is it normal that the older I get, the less I trust people?

On my journey on this earth, so far, I found more and more people betrayed my trust. Maybe I'm wrong, but my trust philosophy is like this:

First, I trust you.
Until you break my trust.
Then I will never trust you anymore.
Until you proven otherwise.

And now I come to a point where I won't really trust you, even at first, because somewhere in the future, I think you'll stab me from behind. Or maybe from the front. Right under my nose.

And the most painful thing is, my trust are broken from the people that I trusted the most. My inner circle. That's where the hurt run deep. Like I couldn't believe they would do such a thing, but they did. Doesn't matter now that they make amends. They still hurt me. The hurt was there.

Now why the trust was broken? Was it something I do wrong? Something I do right? Something I didn't do at all? I have no idea. Whatever the excuse is, I found that if someone, no matter who that "one" is, betrayed the principality of a point, then the trust is broken. And our relationship will no longer be the same like it was before. It will never be the same relationship.

Now, when I no longer trust that person, next come to this: No matter how good the theory that come out from that person's mouth, I would not think those words as face value anymore. As a matter of fact, I would labeled them as a hypocrite.  Someone that doesn't do the right thing, doesn't deserve to say a right thing. Action speaks louder than words. Theory is nothing.

I think that the reason why those people broke vow and promises and the principle of things, is because they lack of one thing. They lack of this high quality ingredient in their life. With this thing missing in their life, they are easily be compromised and do the wrong thing. That thing wise people called "Integrity".

Integrity is doing the right thing. No matter how hard it is. Actually, if you have a habit to apply integrity in every single thing of the aspect of your life, you'll find it easier to apply. It is so easy to do the right thing once you set it in motion. We human are a habitual being. The more we stay firm to our integrity, the easier it is to say no to the wrong thing. It's super easy.

There are 7 billion people in the world. I doubt how many of those who has integrity grained in their life. Maybe 50%? 25%? Or just 10%? If there's only 1% from 7 billion in the world who has integrity, that sums up to 70 million people in the world. Are you optimist that there are 70 million people in the world that still have their integrity intact? No cheating, no doing the wrong thing, and just being super awesome in justice and all? Being Mr (or Mrs) Incredible? Or is it only 0.01%, which is 700,000 people?

Well, anyway, with these life lessons that somehow was given to me lately, I found that it's more important than ever to keep my integrity intact, no matter what the circumstances is. It's probably one of the rarest valuable in the world. Integrity lead to dignity. Integrity build character. Which lead us to be a trustworthy person.

Trust is earned, it's not an entitlement.
Trust is proven, not given.
Trust is built, not inherited.

And a trustworthy person are the ones whose opinion can be counted the most.

All Relationship Are Voluntary

Title say it all.

All relationship are voluntary, not entitlement. What I mean is all, is... all. Whether it's parent-children relationship, husband-wife relationship, friendship relationship, siblings relationship, each and every relationship are voluntary.

To be in the relationship, the two parties should willing to be in one. Both of them are working together to build the relationship stronger. To still stay in the relationship and do everything they can to save the relationship. If one of the party decided to quit, then there is no more relationship.

There are relationship that worth to be saved, and there's relationship that is so broken beyond salvaged points. The ones that is worth fighting for are the relationship when two people still interested to make it work, to be optimistic that "this will pass". Two people, not one though. If one is hopeful, but the other one doesn't care anymore about the relationship, then it is not worth it.

I learned in my life that sometimes, we have to let go the relationship that is really really gone sour. The ones when the other party is not interested to make it work anymore. The ones that the other party doesn't care of what happen to you and just care for him/her self-interest. The ones that can live WITHOUT you.

It is painful when that happen. You just want to cry, cry, and cry. You keep asking why? Why did I do wrong? Why I deserve this? Where it went wrong? But realize, that sometimes it's not you. It's them. They are the one that choose to put themselves above you, instead of being your equal in this thing we call relationship. So forget them, move on, there are so many relationship out there waiting for you to be in it. The ones that worth your attention, care, and love.

There are also relationship that you need to quit. Those are the fake, the back-stabbing (or front-stabbing) type, the ones that just take advantage of you and your kindness. You need to get out of this relationship although the other party is still interested in the relationship, because they just want to get the benefit exclusively for them, without caring for you. This is not a mutual relationship, and you should stop abusing yourselves from these type of people.

Here are some tips to make your relationship stronger:
1. Read a relationship improving article at least once a day. Learn from the experts. Expand your knowledge so you can apply the tips to nurture your relationship.

2. Be happy, be positive. Nobody likes to hang around with a Debbie Downer.

3. Listen more. Seek first to understand, then be understood.

So what happen if you just broke up with one of your relationship? Especially if it's the important one? Here are some things that you can do to ease your pain:
1. No contact = no relationship. If you need to disconnect from a bad relationship, do it asap.

2. Forget him/her. Let them go. They are happier without you, and if you really love them, you want them to be happy, right? They are happy without you. So let them be happy and release them from  your life.

3. Heal yourself. Do things that put you in your own happy place again. You are worth it. You deserve happiness. Never ever let anybody rob you from your own happiness.

4. Protect your heart. Learn from the lesson, so next time you're not repeating this again. Trust is earned, that means they need to show you if they are worth it to have a relationship with you. Because you know once you committed, you will give it your all. And if they can't do that, then they don't deserve you.

All relationship are voluntary. Never take a relationship for granted. Don't expect him/her to behave according to their title (mom, dad, grandparents, siblings, husband, wife, son, daughter, grandchildren, bff, boss, subordinates, peer, boyfriend, girlfriend, ex, etc).  Work need to be done for a relationship to continue to grow stronger, from both parties.

May you always have a good relationship with anyone you love and loves you back.

10 Reasons Why You'll Be Successful

1. You don't complain.
Other people might complaining about anything, but not you! You just do your work until it's finished. You go home to your family and spend quality time with them. You hang out with good friends and uplifting each other. You never complain, instead you give encouragement to others!

2. You don't compare yourself with other people.
You never see yourself in someone's else life. You just focus on you. While others might compare each other and try to keep up with the Joneses, you only compete with yourself. What can I do to make this year better than last year? Other people's success has nothing to do with you, so why bother? You are your own success story!

3. You're not afraid of hard work.
Hard work is your middle name. You wake up every morning, striving to complete list of things you need to do, because you understand of the works that need to be done. You are responsible and you are the provider of your family. You are not lazy, you are diligent. You accept responsibility and carry it like your battle scar!

4. You don't care what other people think of you.
You know that other people's opinion of you is none of your business. You can only control you, so you never worry about what others might think of you. You do the best and feel accomplished of your achievements, no matter what other people say. Compliments don't get to your head, and insults don't bring you down. Only your opinion of you matter the most.

5. You don't give up.
You are resilient. You continue to push yourself until you get to your goal. You are not a quitter, never was and never will. When stuck to a problem, your creative side will bring out the best of you. You are good under pressure. It makes you think outside the box. You just don't stop until you get to your finish line.

6. You learn from your mistakes.
You admit that sometimes you make mistakes. Instead of running away from your mistakes, you learn from it and try to do a better job next time. You're not too stubborn to unwillingly ignore it, instead, you're using your mistakes as your stepping stone. Try and try again. You're a good student!

7. You think positive.
You always see the silver lining. You think and feel positively every single day, every single moment. You avoid negative thinking like a plague, because you know that an ounce of negative thinking could drain and suck away your energy. You use positive words, uplifting and encouraging words, and you never afraid to spread that sunshine of yours. You are one of the most positive person that your friends ever known, and no wonder they always look up to your support!

8. You are a do-er.
If you want to get something done, you will do it. You are a firm believer that doing is better than talking.You let the result of your hard work do the talk for you. You are not a NATO person. NATO = No Action Talk Only. You walk the talk.

9. You change to the better.
You know that you can always be better. You don't regret your yesterdays, but you see yourself keep improving for today, tomorrow, and the future. You're perfecting your skills, and constantly learning new things. You are not afraid of change. Instead, you are using change to make yourself better. You shred out old habits that won't get you anywhere, and start developing new habits that will bring you closer to your next success level. You are evolving.

10. You read this blog.
You want to be successful and stay successful. That's why you're reading this blog, right? You have the inner motivation to be better. As long you're expanding your knowledge by reading books, articles, blogs, and any material that will give you information and motivation to be a better person, you will be successful. You will feel your growth. Only you can stop yourself. Only you can make yourself keep running. Only you in control of you. So keep pursuing your goals, perfecting your craft, and never ever give up! You got this!

8 Actions Plans To Be Better - by Chris Hogan

As I listened to Chris Hogan's Retired Inspired Podcast, I jotted down 8 actions plans to be better. These are very applicable for any situation that we want to improve. Whether it's for family, relationship, work, or any goals, these tips are useful and can be done starting today!

1. Do be clear on what options available to you.

2. Do understand the amount of effort your decision will require.

3. Do be ready and willing to sacrifice.

4. Do know that your daily decision matter.

5. Don't squander the chance to be able to improve.

6. Don't waste time you have to be wishy-washy.

7. Don't miss the opportunity that's available to you.

8. Don't look back with regret. This is the time.

Thank you for the tips, Chris! Another great podcast! :)

The Secret of Happiness (Kunci Kebahagiaan)

Do you sometimes see some people that no matter whatever bad things happened to them, they still laugh and seems so happy with life as it is? Call it bad luck or being less fortunate, but they can lift up their chin and smile back at you.  Do you ever wonder what is the secret of their happiness?

Maybe they have a different point of view from you and I. Maybe they don't realize that it's a bad thing. It seems that nothing is bothering them and they still moving forward.

The key is : to find what's going right.

Take notice of what are things that going right in your life. In any situation, whether good or bad or nothing happen, try to find beautiful things that makes your day. Birds are singing, it's not raining (or even it's raining, it's still wonderful too), quiet moments, noisy moments, doesn't matter what it is, try to appreciate how colorful your life is and I bet you'll feel better.

Yes, gratitude is important. But if there is one thing that we all can do to be a little bit happier, I think it will be to find what are the things that going right, instead of wrong.

So many of us are being trained to notice what's wrong, and thinking of how to fix it right away. I mean, the first question you'll ask someone that looks bothered is, "What's wrong?". There is nothing wrong with that, but it can take the focus away from all the other good things that going on with our life.

By the way, there's a survey by the Ten3 Global Internet poll about the key of happiness. Not surprising to see that 56% of the key of being happy is the mental attitude. Love takes the next place by 25%. Money, success, and creativity are only a little part of the key of happiness.

Instead of thinking of the things you don't have, start counting with the things that you already have. Not only things, but people too. Instead of hoping someone new come in your life to rescue you from the miserable life surrounds you (and I do hope you DON'T feel that way btw), start loving people next to you that might face a hard life already. You'll be surprise to see their reaction with the love you extended to their world.

Instead of wishing this and that, start appreciating of everything that had happened to you.
Don't say "I wish..."
Say "I will!"

Instead of feeling hopeless and stuck in the rut, start thinking of the blessing that have been given to your lap. Start with your family, your friends, your health, your wisdom, your strong personality that keeps you going no matter how many challenges you have been through.

Even start with your senses! How lucky we are if we can still see! No need to worries about cataract surgeries or was not born blind. There are some people out there that would trade place with us just to see the beauty of a rainbow. But even for blind people, they are lucky too because they have a skill that most of us don't have : they can read in Braille. They don't have to see some horror things in the world that we wish we never have to see it.

To sum it up, whatever your condition is, whatever century you were born, in every situation, find what is right and be happy about it. Don't linger on what's wrong. Try it! After we all, we can use a little bit of happiness in our daily lives, right?

Have a great day!

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Pernahkah kamu melihat ada orang yang sudah jatuh tertimpa tangga, tapi masih bisa tertawa dan kelihatan bahagia akan kehidupan ini? Mungkin lagi sial atau memang kurang beruntung, tapi tetep aza mereka bisa angkat dagu mereka dan bisa senyum balik pada kita? Apa sih rahasianya?

Mungkin mereka punya sudut pandang yang berbeda dari kamu dan saya. Mungkin mereka nggak menyadari bahwa hal itu jelek. Kelihatannya nggak ada yang menganggu perasaan mereka, dan mereka maju terus pantang mundur.

Kuncinya adalah: cari apa yang berjalan dengan benar.

Coba deh perhatikan akan hal-hal benar yang terjadi pada hidupmu. Dalam situasi apapun, baik bagus maupun buruk atau mungkin saja nggak terjadi apa-apa, cobalah untuk menemukan hal-hal indah yang membuat harimu. Burung-burung bernyanyi, nggak hujan (atau bahkan kalau hujan sekalipun, masih tetap indah juga), momen sunyi, momen bising, nggak peduli apapun itu, cobalah untuk menghargai betapa dinamisnya duniamu dan aku yakin kamu akan merasa lebih baik.

Ya tentu saja merasa berterima kasih itu penting. Tapi kalau ada satu hal yang bisa buat kita lebih hepi, aku pikir itu adalah usaha kita untuk menemukan hal-hal yang berjalan dengan benar, bukan salah.

Banyak dari kita dididik untuk menemukan apa yang salah, dan berpikir untuk mengkoreksinya secepat mungkin. Biasanya pertanyaan pertama yang kamu lontarkan pada seseorang bermuka keruh adalah, "Ada masalah apa?". Sebetulnya sih nggak ada yang salah dengan pertanyaan itu, tapi ini bisa saja mengalihkan semua fokus dari hal-hal baik yang sudah benar dengan hidup ini.

Ngomong-ngomong, ada survey dari Ten3 Global Internet poll mengenai kunci kebahagiaan. Tidak mengagetkan untuk melihat bahwa 56 persen kunci untuk bahagia adalah sikap mental.  Cinta menduduki peringkat berikut dengan 25%. Uang, kesuksesan, dan kreativitas hanyalah sebagian kecil dari kunci kebahagiaan.

Daripada mikir akan hal-hal yang tidak kamu miliki, coba deh hitunglah hal-hal yang sudah kamu punya. Nggak cuma benda, orang juga. Daripada ngarepin ada orang baru datang untuk menyelamatkan kamu dari hidup sengsara ini (dan aku harap kamu TIDAK berperasaan kayak gini), mulailah dengan mencintai orang di sekitarmu yang mungkin aja sudah punya kehidupan yang berat. Kamu akan tercengang begitu menyadari reaksi mereka dengan cinta yang kamu ulurkan ke dunia mereka.

Daripada berharap gini gitu, mendingan kita belajar menghargai segalanya yang terjadi atas diri kita.
Jangan bilang,"Andai..."
Tapi bilang,"Aku akan!"

Daripada nelangsa dan merasa terjebak akan keadaan, coba deh pikirkan berkat-berkat melimpah yang jatuh ke pangkuanmu. Mulailah dengan keluargamu, teman-temanmu, kesehatanmu, kebijaksanaanmu, kepribadianmu yang kuat yang membuatmu terus maju nggak peduli berapa banyak badai cobaan yang sudah kamu hadapi.

Bahkan mulailah dengan panca inderamu! Betapa beruntungnya kita masih bisa melihat! Nggak perlu kuatir akan operasi katarak atau nggak dilahirkan buta. Banyak orang di luar sana yang mau tukar tempat sama kita hanya untuk melihat indahnya pelangi. Tapi bahkan untuk orang buta, mereka juga beruntung karena mereka punya satu keahlian yang kebanyakan dari kita nggak punya: mereka bisa membaca dalam huruf Braille. Mereka nggak perlu melihat hal-hal menyeramkan yang terjadi di dunia dimana kita berharap kita nggak pernah melihatnya.

Kesimpulannya, apapun kondisi kita, nggak peduli abad mana kita dilahirkan, dalam segala situasi, temukanlah hal-hal yang berjalan dengan benar, dan berbahagialah karena itu. Jangan terus mikirin apa yang salah. Coba deh! Bagaimanapun juga, kita semua bisa menggunakan lebih banyak kebahagiaan dalam hidup kita sehari-hari, kan?

Semoga harimu menyenangkan!

Hard Work and Work Hard

People say that we should work smart instead of work hard. But no matter how you say it, it will still required some work to achieve success. How I see it, almost all of successful people in any field, they possessed a special quality that makes them accomplish their goals.

They work hard.

The don't stop until they finish (unless if they need to eat or sleep, and sometimes they even sacrifices sleep!). They focus. They push themselves to the next level. It's hard work and work hard.

After some deep thinking, I concluded that there are five shades of working hard attribute. There might be more. But here are some that I could think of (so far...)

1. Don't be complacent.
Aka don't be lazy. You are only as good as your last sale. Keep moving forward. Being lazy (sloth) is one of the seven deadly sins, right?

2. Daily discipline.
Develop a good routine. Build a consistent habit. Small improvement can lead to big changes.

3. Follow the process.
Trust the process. Don't skip or jump around. Be consistent with your flow and eventually you'll gain speed. Perfecting your work until you can finish it faster.

4. Learn to control the person in the mirror.
Stop complaining. Stop regretting. Start working. Chop chop.

5. Maximize opportunities.
Every single time.

You've heard what Vince Lombardi had said:

So let's start today by working hard and finish the day with your hard work!

Have a great day!

2018 Resolution

Usually people make New Year's Resolution around the new year's time. But I guess it took me 3 months and 4 days to finally make my 2018 resolution. It took me a week off from my work and some quiet time in the swimming pool to finally make me realize that I need to make some positive changes if I want to live longer, ... and happier.

So here we go. Here's my 2018 resolution. This year I vow to...
1. Eat healthier.
2. More positive thinking.

Eat healthier for me means :

• no red meat,
• no cheese (or choose to not have cheese if it's up to me), 
• no fried stuff, 
• no chips and unhealthy snacks, and 
• portion control. 

My goal is to lower my cholesterol. I admit it, I do have a high cholesterol. But during the past few years I have been able to lower it bit by bit, so I knew I can do it. I just have to make health-conscious decision whenever I plan to eat. Goal must be SMART, right? So by the next check up time (Jan 2019), I hope my cholesterol level will be down to 250 (I know it's still over 200, it's still high, but my level now is at 279, so not bad for a start!).

More positive thinking means in every situation I'm in, I choose to be happy. I choose to accept life the way it is and not get overworked in the details. For me this is not easy, because I'm a melancholic person. I like details and sometimes got obsessed in tiny little things. When I peel my shrimps, I lined them up one by one in a neat row, so it's tidy and don't look like a mess. Some people might say I got OCD, but yep, that's me.  I learn that sometimes details doesn't matter because things could change again. I mean... the shrimp eventually will be cooked together in a frying pan anyway, so there's no need to line them up, right? But meh, I still like my line-up shrimps! Hahaha!!

Anyway, positive thinking is also means to enjoy life as it is. Don't futuring so much because it could still change. I need to practice more positive thinking. Instead of looking at the downside of things, I need to push myself to be grateful and look at the bright side. Practice empathy when encounter other people that less fortunate than myself. Do not be envy to other people that more fortunate than myself, instead, be happy for them! Always be kind and do the right thing. Always be excited for new things in life! Always looking forward. Move forward, not backwards.

These are my two resolutions. Better late than never, so I'm starting one in March now! :)

Outlook on Life

It's your outlook on life that will determine the level of your happiness.  You always have a choice.

You can choose to be happy, or not.
You can choose to be content, or not.
You can choose to be better, or not.

It is your outlook on life that will set you apart from your worse version of yourself. In every situation, always choose to be happy. Always choose the best out of it. The silver lining. Always look on the bright side of life.

In life, there are two things: things that we can control and things we can't control.

Things that we can control are within our inner self: our courage, our determination, our self-control when facing an uncontrollable situation, our choices.

Things that we cannot control are outside factors that we don't have any influence of the outcome, no matter how hard we try. The weather, what other people do, think, and feel, and natural disasters are some example of it.

So why we get stress in a situation that we can't control?

We need to accept it, embrace it, and move forward. The sooner we let go on things that we need to let go, the better our life will be. It is our perception on life that will either set us free, or burden us day by day.

There are situations that will force us to make difficult decision. It will require our full focus and effort to be able to say no and keep firm with the commitment we had. It's our struggle in life that will make us grow to be a better person. Nobody say it was easy. If it was easy, everyone would already done it.

2 people viewing the rain outside of the building.
A: Ah too bad it's raining. I hate rain! I miss the sunshine. It's a bad day.
B: Rain is so wonderful. It makes me so peaceful. I love to hear the sound of the raindrop. I love the smell of  the fresh air from the rain! It's a good day!

2 people sitting on the park bench in a bright sunny day.
A: Why the sun is so hot? Now I need to put my sunglasses and can't see too well. I miss the rain.
B: What a lovely day! Sun is bright and make my feeling alright!

2 people working overtime in a busy store during the holiday season.
A: Why I need to work overtime? How come Suzy got send home early? How come Jack have a day off today? I want to be with my family. I don't want to work longer than I should. I hate working overtime! It takes time away from doing everything I want to do.
B: Overtime? Yeah!!! Extra money in my wallet! Now I can finally buy that new iPhone that I've been wanting for the last 5 years! Or maybe I can just treat my family to the new restaurant that just open across the street! I'm so glad they pick me for overtime!

2 people get layoff.
A: Oh no! How can I pay my mortgage? How my family will eat?
B: Yay for severance package!

2 people eating bad food from a questionable food cart.
A: This is a waste of money. So regret of buying this food. Why did I do this?
B: Good lesson. Now I know to not come here anymore.

Basically, you can determine your own attitude. When life gave you bad hand to deal, are you going to succumb to a pity party, keep complaining, and draining everyone's energy with your unending sad story, or........ are you going to learn a lesson, strategize your way out, and see the positive things from it?

Positive thinking is a habit. Good news is, habit can be developed. The more you train yourself to have a positive outlook on life, the easier it will be. Eventually, it's an automatic thing to think positive.

It's your outlook on life. It's your perception on life that will make you better, or worse. Your choice.

Saying No to Myself

This evening, as I was driving to buy delicious burgers from Carl's Jr, I imagined myself getting some onion rings and jalapeno poppers. It's been a while. I kept dreaming of those crispy onion rings and how luscious those cream cheese from the jalapeno poppers. I couldn't decide if I should get either one of those, or both! I've committed to at least get an onion rings if not both.

But deep inside, another voice keep tugging my conscience. "Onion rings are bad for you. They are deep fried in high saturated fat. Surely a faster way to get a high cholesterol which can eventually lead to a heart attack." How about jalapeno poppers? They are veggies. "No, they are bad too for your heart health. Deep fried, remember? And cream cheese too? High in fat content."

Sigh. This is a daily war for me. Food vs Health.

So anyway, as I arrive in Carl's Jr restaurant, I went inside and waiting patiently for a family who were ordering their food. Then it's my turn. I ordered 3 burgers for me, my husband, and my mom. And then I'm thinking,"This is it. This is the time to order the onion rings! And jalapeno poppers!"  The waitress could sense the hesitant look on my face, so she asked,"Anything else you want?". "Yea I want those darn good looking onion rings!" But no, I didn't say that. Instead I asked,"Do you have the jalapeno poppers?" And she said,"No, we don't sell them in a daily basis anymore. It's a seasonal thing now." And I'm vaguely said,"Hm... I really want onion rings." She said,"They are so good!". To which I replied,"Yeah, they are very good, but they are so bad for our health, high cholesterol." She admitted,"That is true."

In the end, she tally up the total meal I've ordered, which is only the 3 burgers. I said no to myself!!! I'm thinking,"Do I really need these onion rings to add another pound to my body? Plus another reason to clog the artery to my heart with additional deep fried oils? These burgers are not really the healthiest thing on earth already!"

I'm so proud at myself when I walking down to my car with the carry-out food. As I driving home, I keep praising myself, "Good job, Peggy! You said no to yourself and trying to stay healthy!" I guess at this point I have no clue as when I can enjoy onion rings again. Too bad. I really like them! Maybe I can eat them on my birthday.... which is still months away, hahaha!

Once you said no to yourself, the next one got easier.

I just realized that this onion ring thing is actually my 2nd time saying no to myself. Earlier in the morning, I went to Safeway to get some chicken noodle soup and Day Quill for my husband (poor hubby, he is sick). As I'm going there, I kept thinking that I should bring home Safeway Chinese to me and my mom. Their food is so delicious! But I know I shouldn't do that, because I already made plan to make pesto noodle with corn and mushroom.  I have some pesto sauce I need to finish and plus I already bought those egg noodle, corn, and mushroom.

Homemade food vs restaurant food. If I'm being lazy, of course restaurant food wins. You don't need to prep, cook, and wash the pots and pans. Homemade food is so laborious, but it keep your money in your wallet. Homemade food is more economical rather than restaurant food in general.

So after I bought what I need for my hubby, I just walk straight to my car, not even trying to look at Safeway Chinese menu selection. I was so proud of myself. "Peggy, you said no to yourself! Instead of buying Safeway Chinese, you keep those $11 in your wallet and just make the pesto noodle with corn & mushroom for free!!!" Well, technically is not free, it's already been prepaid the other day when I went grocery shopping. But still, it would be too easy to just give in to Safeway Chinese lunch rather than stay committed to the menu plan I already have in hand.

Don't worry Safeway Chinese, I eventually will buy your delicious orange chicken with half lo mein half fried rice on the side one day! Just not today! :)

Saying no to myself feels so good. I feel I can conquer my self! It takes discipline and self-determination. And the truth is, it wasn't easy. So when you can say no and walk away from it, you feel like a winner. Wow, this feels good! :)

Study Case: The Three Little Pigs

You know the story of the Three Little Pigs, right? It involves three pigs and a big bad wolf. The story has been made famous since 1840, and yet the lessons from it still rang true until this day, end of 2017. Here are some things we can learn from it.

1. Watch out for the big, bad, wolf – The big, bad wolf comes in many forms. Like Mayhem, he can show up at anytime –  as a storm, an unexpected illness, a setback of some kind, the list is endless. It is wise to be on the look out for him, especially if you know he is lurking about. Being properly prepared for adversity is the best defense against it.
2. Short cuts can cost you a lot – The first two pigs built houses of straw and sticks. While they were able to get the work done fast, their houses did not stand up to the huffs and puffs of the big bad wolf. They ended up losing their homes and in some versions, their very lives.
3. Hard work pays off – The third pig spent the time and effort to build a house from bricks and mortar. While his brothers were enjoying a leisurely existence, he was busy working away building a strong house. In the end, both of the lazy brothers found refuge in the sturdy home of their more practical brother in the versions where the pigs manage to escape the wolf.
4. Create a solid plan for your future – All three pigs created a plan for the future, more or less. The problem is –  the first two pigs were rather short-sighted. A straw house would not stand up against a rainstorm and a stick house would not stand up against a bad rainstorm. The third little pig took into account things that could possibly happen and decided to build a house that could pretty much withstand any bad weather and intruders. He came up with a solid plan for future protection.
5. Learn to expect the unexpected – Obviously the first two pigs were not expecting the need to ward off the big bad wolf. Chances are they would have been considerably more concerned about safety in building their homes, if they thought a predator would come calling. The third pig seemed to take all things into consideration in his choice of building materials. He was prepared when the unexpected happened.
6. Know your limitations – The big bad wolf felt that he was invincible. He easily blew down the house of straw, and the house of sticks, though a little harder to blow down, was still no match for his lungs. When he came to the house of bricks, he still felt that he was able to be successful, yet he was not. He didn’t assess the situation very well, and therefore, used unnecessary breath on trying to do the impossible.
7. Going after the wrong thing can get you into hot water – The wolf pursued the three pigs even though he wore himself out trying to blow down the house of bricks. He should have taken the hint that these pigs were off limits. He would have been much better off seeking easier prey. Instead, he continued his pursuit which landed him in hot water, or hot oil, depending on which version you read. Sometimes it’s worth pursuing a goal; sometimes you need to be willing to let it go.
8. Be willing to help your siblings – In the less violent versions, the little pig with the brick house could have been mean to his brothers and let them fend for themselves against the wolf, but when they came to him for help, he let them in and gave them sanctuary.
9. A little extra work is worth the sacrifice – The first two pigs were more interested in playing around and having fun than making sure they had safe, sturdy homes. Had they been willing to put in some elbow grease and quality time, they would have had nice safe homes and still had a chance to enjoy a life of leisure afterwards.
10. Don’t be fooled by people who would lead you astray – Some versions have the wolf trying to trick the last pig out of his home, since it won’t be blown down. But, with every suggestion the wolf makes to get the pig out, the pig outsmarts the wolf. We need to learn how to stay out of trouble and not be led into it by others.

There are several versions of this tale, some less violent than others. Whatever version you choose to share with your children, you will find many lessons that they can use to help them navigate the waters of childhood and beyond.

Pelajaran dari kuda

Ada 3 macam kuda.

Ada kuda yang dibiakkan untuk menjadi kuda pacuan. Kuda-kuda ini adalah kuda pilihan dari jenis spesial dan sengaja dididik untuk menjadi kuda juara. Mereka dilatih setiap hari dengan disiplin ketat untuk bisa melompati halangan-halangan tertentu, untuk bisa menunjukkan atraksi menarik, dan harus makan diet pilihan yang gak sembarang kuda bisa makan supaya tetap sehat dan fit terutama pada saat pertandingan tiba. Mereka disisir setiap hari dan hidup ibarat putri raja. Penampilan mereka selalu cemerlang dan tipe kelas satu bak primadona.

Ada kuda jenis lain yang dilatih untuk jadi kuda peternakan. Tujuan hidup mereka adalah untuk menjadi sarana transportasi manusia dari satu daerah ke daerah yang lain. Mereka ini jinak, jadi siapa pun bisa menungganginya. Kadang mereka dipersiapkan untuk anak-anak yang mau ikut kursus menunggang kuda. Kadang mereka digunakan untuk turis yang berminat untuk menunggang kuda dan melihat-lihat daerah liburan sekitarnya. Kuda-kuda ini makan makanan biasa seperti jerami, rerumputan, wortel, jagung, dan gandum. Seperti kuda pacuan, mereka juga disisir setiap hari dan dipelihara dengan baik. Mereka kelihatan sehat dan terawat.

Kuda ketiga adalah kuda liar. Kuda ini sama sekali tidak jinak, tidak takut manusia, dan tidak bisa dikendalikan. Mereka tidak kenal kekang dan sepatu kuda. Kalau manusia coba untuk menungganginya, mereka akan menghentak-hentak kakinya dan membuat manusia itu terlempar dari punggungnya. Mereka makan sembarang rumput yang ada di mana-mana dan tidak ada yang mengontrol nutrisi mereka. Karena tidak ada yang menyisir mereka, akhirnya bulu mereka tumbuh tidak terawat dan penampilannya jelek sekali.

Orang juga sama.

Ada orang-orang  yang halus, terdidik, dan berbudaya. Orang-orang ini tahu aturan. Mereka mengerti tata krama dan bisa bergaul dengan baik dan sopan. Mereka membuat peradaban manusia setingkat lebih tinggi. Mereka membuat orang merasa senang untuk berinteraksi dengan orang-orang berkultur ini. Orang-orang jenis ini ibarat kuda pacuan. Mereka sudah terdidik untuk menjadi juara dan punya mental bagai pemenang.

Sayangnya, ada orang-orang yang nggak punya etiket. Mereka grasa-grusu dan hidup "liar". Mereka tak punya aturan dalam pergaulan dan bicara seenak jidat. Apa yang dipikirkan di otaknya pada saat itu juga dilontarkan dalam perkataan yang pedas dan menusuk hati. Mereka tidak mengontrol lidahnya dan itu juga terlihat dalam perilaku hidupnya sehari-hari. Orang-orang ini menyebabkan banyak sakit hati dan akibatnya mereka tidak mendapat respek dari orang lain. Mereka ini ibarat kuda liar yang tidak terdidik dan tidak diperhatikan.

Tapi orang bukan kuda. Orang bisa berubah, kalau mereka mau. Orang bisa belajar untuk menjadi berbudaya. Apalagi zaman sekarang, zaman informasi dan internet. Mereka bisa melatih diri mereka untuk menjadi setahap lebih baik, kalau mereka punya keinginan untuk tumbuh dan berkembang.

Manusia adalah makhluk yang paling tinggi, mereka sudah dilengkapi dengan akal budi untuk terus belajar dan berkembang dengan lebih baik. Nggak ada orang yang dilahirkan sudah punya aturan dan tau cara mengucap terima kasih. Itu semua diajarkan pada kita. Dan kita juga bisa bersikap otodidak, belajar sendiri. Jadi nggak usah nyalahin orang tua atau guru kalau kita tidak tahu atas suatu hal. Masa kini, kita bisa belajar dari begitu banyak sumber untuk setidaknya tahu cara bertata krama. Untuk punya etika dalam pergaulan dengan orang lain.

Seandainya kita mau ketemu sama Ratu Elizabeth II di Inggris. Apakah kita akan ngomong dan bertindak tanduk sama seperti kita ngomong sama kuli bangunan? Ya, seharusnya kita tetap sama sopannya pada Ratu Elizabeth dan pada kuli bangunan seberang rumah. Manusia semua sederajat, tapi tidak semua manusia sama. Kenyataannya, banyak orang-orang yang tingkah lakunya sangat berbeda satu sama lain. Ada yang baik dan manis. Ada yang sopan penuh teladan. Dan ada juga yang bicara sembarangan seolah-olah nggak takut akan konsekuensi yang ditimbulkan dari lidahnya. Dan ketika dua tipe orang ini berbaur, mereka bagaikan minyak dan air. Nggak akan bisa bercampur. Yang satu jadi sakit hati, dan yang lain tetap aja bebal dan gak mau berubah.

Jadi apa kesimpulannya?

Intinya, orang yang mau berubah menjadi satu derajat lebih baik, akan selalu maju. Seperti kuda pacuan, mereka terus berlatih sampai mereka jadi ahli. Mereka mendorong diri mereka untuk terus berjuang dan berlari menuju tujuannya. Mereka akan mengasah diri mereka untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik. Orang yang tetap tahu tata krama dan menghargai lawan bicaranya. Mereka akan terus naik tingkat ke level-level yang lebih tinggi.

Orang yang bebal? Biar aja mereka terus menjadi orang-orang liar. Kalau mereka mau berubah ya syukur, nggak juga nggak papa.

Anjing mengonggong, kafilah berlalu.

Cushion

In life, you've got to have a cushion.

Call it a buffer, a space, a distance; cushion serves to separate us from the edge of living. Cushion is our safety net.

In money terms, cushion is savings.
In time terms, cushion is the time gap between one activity to another.
In sitting terms, cushion is the pillow between us and chair that give us comfort.
In people terms, cushion is a wall between us and people who degrade us.

In many thing, cushion is a necessary skill we need to have to ensure our survival. If we don't have cushion, if we don't have a room between us and life, we could resort to any means that sometimes lead to trouble. By the definition, cushion soften the effect of an impact on. The synonyms for this word are protect, shield, shelter, cocoon.

For example: let's say you have to be at work at 9 am. You know between traffic and everything, it will take you 30 minutes to get there. But instead of going at 8.30 am, you want to give your self 5-10 minutes cushion (or even more), just in case there is an accident that would delay your commute. When you leave home at 8.25 am or 8.20 am, that's when you give yourself cushion. And as we know, in life, there are some unpredictability things we cannot control. That's why you want to give yourself a bit of time for that "just in case" moment.

Living on the edge sounds fun, but if you do this everyday, eventually life will catch up to you, and you'll be behind on your schedules and then need to play catch up. It's just better to be ahead rather than catching up. When you're ahead, you have more control and eventually can minimize the damage life might prepare for you. Soften the blow.

Have as many cushions as you like. The more you protect yourself from the mystery of tomorrow, the more you become prepared. Beside that, cushion is comfy and who doesn't like comfy things?

Have a cushion in life. It'll help you to get ahead.