Work vs Retirement

Lately, I kept hearing people want to retire. All talks about retirement. Retire early, retire young. Or just simply retired. I asked some of them. Most of them said that they want to retire so they don't have to go to work. So they can have freedom for what they want to do in their free time. So they no longer work the work they hate. 

Isn't that the right reason to retire though?

To retire because they hate working? To retire so they can do whatever they want? To retire so they can go vacation all the time, sit at home and binge watch Netflix and Hulu all day? To go shopping all day in the mall? To dine in restaurants every night and don't have to cook?

One of my friend asked me just few days ago, when I want to retire? And I ask myself the same question. When do I want to retire? When my asset is at certain number? When my age at certain number?

Since I love working, I told her, I probably would never retire!

Even after my official retirement at 65 (maybe, we'll see), I would like to find a part time work somewhere so I can still be active and be involved in social activities. I can volunteer that's true, but it's no fun to volunteer all the time. It's no fun to play golf all the time. It's no fun to dine lobster every night. At some point, it'll be more challenging to have real hurdle in life. And looks like work is the hurdle of being free.

So now I come to this thinking. We should not want to retire because we hate our work. If that's the case, we should find the work we love. The field we can thrive. And if we can't find the work we love, then love the work we have. Love what we have. Many people would want to trade in our shoes to have the job we currently have right now!

I changed my mindset. Instead of hating work, I am loving work now. I feel accomplished. I feel fulfilled with working hard with my hands, my brain, and my everything. I feel contributing. And because of that, I feel content and happy with life.

You know what they say, find the job you love and you'll never work for the rest of your live. That is so very true! I feel amazing every time I go to work. I get to dressed up, put my make up on, put my best face forward, and drive to the office I love. Then I get to meet the co-workers and boss I love working with. I said love, not like. So there will be days that you just want to strangle them, but in the end of the day you still love them. Then when the bank open (I work in a bank), I get to meet the customers, and I love all of them!!!

I think that throughout my 20 years experience in the workforce, I always love my job and the companies I work for, including all the people I associated with. Each of them are unique and different. And I know this is not forever. Meaning at certain point in my life, I will stop working with them and move on to my next stage in life.

I learn the key of happiness is not to wait for the next chapter in our life to appear. Not to wait until we finish working and then be happy. Most of us work from 9 to 5, and the entrepreneurs even work 24/7, so if you wait to be happy after you finish your work, then practically you never will be happy! You spend a third of your waking hours at workplace, that is a big chunk of your day! 33%! So why don't we aim to be happy now that we are still fit enough to work, still have energy to produce, and to contribute to our society?

I'm not going to wait for my retirement days to be happy. I am happy now during my working days. I am content and happy. Whether it's work or retirement, I'll be happy nonetheless.

Well one thing for sure. While you're working, keep working on your retirement funds! You will need it one day. :)

The Art of Finding What's Right

In my previous blog post, The Secret of Happiness, I outlined that one of the critical point to be happy is to find what's right in our lives. The art of finding what's right is not to have ALL situations to be aligned perfectly. Far from that. But rather, to take notice of every single thing, no matter how small it is, that is going right in our lives.

It's simply a gratitude action. To be thankful for everything. Even though our circumstances seems to be in the bottom of the pit, but there must be something that is still good and worth to be praise of. This takes discipline and effort. It doesn't happen unconsciously.

It's a habit. When you cultivate gratitude, realize what is still going right in your life, to be thankful for everything that has been given to you, then eventually this habit will become your way of life. It's an auto pilot to think positive. It is a skill, so like any other skill, it can be practiced and honed in a daily basis.


Let's start with simple things:

1. Be thankful that we still have good health. Complete body organs. All still functioning.

2. Good family, wherever they are. That still love you and care for you.

3. Great friends. Accepting you for who you are. Lifting you up when you down. Cheer on your success.

4. Wonderful home sweet home. It could be your house, apartment, or even a temporary place like hotel and AirBnb. A place where you can sleep. Roof over your head.

5. We eat today. If you can still be able to eat each day, that means you are blessed. To not go to sleep hungry.

6. Good job or business. To be able to work and produce so we can support our lives. That is one blessing that sometimes people overlook by grumbling how difficult their job are. Never! Never take your job or business or income for granted. That is blessing from above and it should be respected.

7. The internet. Oh how wonderful is this thing! We can expand our knowledge and stay connected.

8. Mall and shops. Oh ya I am thankful for this "Retail Therapy". There's a joy in shopping. Hehe.

9. Clean air. The world is getting better. The experts are helping decreasing pollution.

10. You heard the birds singing in the the trees on the street you just walked by. Beautiful nature.

11. Tall trees all around. I lived in Washington, the evergreen state. So every time I drive, I always mesmerized on how green is the state I live in. I love the beauty. I love the serenity.

12. The fact that I'm only 40 years old. That means I still have good 25 years to work in the industry I love (bank and financial world), and possibly 40-50 more years to live the life I want. With people I choose and I love.

13. The struggles and challenges I face. It'll make me stronger and more resilient.

14. The safety of our world. I live in a very safe place, where I can sleep soundly at night and not worry about anything.

15. Green tea. Whenever I can sip a hot green tea, I count it a good day. Smooth and relaxing.

Find what's right in your life. Journal it. List every single thing. You'll soon realized that you are blessed beyond your imagination. That you may not have everything you want, but you have everything you need.

And that's what life is all about. Is to give thanks to every single opportunities. To want to have a happier life, one must always strive to be positive, and to find what's right. Practice this skill everyday, grain it into your daily habits, and eventually you'll have a greater happier life.

If You're Speaking, You're Not Listening

I received a very valuable advice today.

"If you're speaking, you're not listening."

That is so true. And that is so deep.

We live in a world where talking and giving opinion are a must-have skill to survive in this world. We tweet, post, and loudly voice out our truths. The longer we talk, the more we feel important. The world is so loud and noisy, that we forget to give people chance to voice out their feelings too.

So now I learn to be more quiet. To hush up. To just listen. To observe, watch, and listen. The expert says, the less we talk, the more we are in control in the conversation. He who speak more, lose the flow of the conversation.

Let's use the Pareto law. Instead of incessant talk, let's do more listening. 80% listening, 20% talking. The more we listen, the more we understand the context. The more we understand, the more we can relate to the situation. The more knowledge we gain. The more info we absorbed. And information aka knowledge is power. It's the 21st century version of power. Not money, not resources, but knowledge. And the only way we gain knowledge is by reading, listening, and absorbing the info.

So I want to be better at this thing.

80% listening, 20% talking.
80% reading, 20% writing.
80% observing, 20% in action.
80% learning, 20% teaching.
80% watching, 20% showing.

I want to listen, so I can talk better. If I just talk talk talk endlessly, what's the point? I'll lose my audience's interest and I learn nothing. I gain nothing. So it is for my own benefit if I listen more.

I'm listening. And I'm not speaking.

A Peaceful Life

I'm at the point of my life where I just want to live in a peaceful world.

Now don't get me wrong, there's no physical war in my time at the present (except the tension between trade war or the threat of North Korea or Russian missiles), but simply put, this is the most peaceful time the world has had, compared to different times of the past.

But I still want to attain peace in my own world. In my living space.

I no longer tolerate toxic people, abusive people, judgmental people to control my behavior. If they love me, they will accept me for who I am, for all of me. All the good and all the bad of me. It's not that I don't want to change to be better. But I admit I'm just a human, with my own set of strengths and weaknesses. Nobody is perfect.

But one thing for sure, I won't sacrifice my integrity. My character.  There are values and moral ethic that I hold high, and I won't compromise those. Integrity is strongly rooted deep in my life, and I will not trade them for any other fake winnings, like money or "happiness". So many of us desperately want to be "happy", that we throw away our code of conduct, and forget to do the right thing. Not me.

Peaceful is being content. Even being happy means being content. And although life has evolved into new beginnings that I've never imagined before, I must say that I am truly content with where my life has leading me now. I did work hard and I will continue to work hard to accomplish my dreams, but I also now am flexible with this thing called life.

A peaceful life is not a life without conflict. But rather, a life of controlling one's perception of how a conflict need to be resolved. The easiest thing to do is sometimes to just keep fighting until the end, so now I learn that letting go is one of the hardest thing to do actually! And letting go is supposed to be the easiest thing to do, and sometimes is the only right thing to do. So in order to maintain my peace, I'm learning to let go. Let go of the past. Let go of the dream. Let go and just let life evolve naturally.

I'm at peace where I also organized at my life, knows my priorities are, de-clutter, everything in it's own place. Yep, it's OCD. But that's my way to find peace in this chaotic world. It's not even the matter of control. I know there are only 1 or 2 thing I can control versus a million things that I have no control about. But peace is also knowing when to stop working on dead projects. Knowing when to to walk away from the unfixable chaos. Peace is letting people live their own lives, without our interference. Accepting reality and moving on.

The more I can accept the reality, the more peaceful I am. And it is a skill that I continue to learn.

Peace is finding my own balance without dependency to other people's acceptance on us. If they accept me, great! If not, that's fine too. I'll be peaceful either way. It's wisdom to be able to thinking at this level.

May you always find your peace and living a peaceful life, for the rest of your days.

WorkPlace: Bank of America (FSA)

Suatu hari yang cerah di bulan April 2018, ada 2 boss besar datang ke kantor cabang tempat aku bekerja di Bank of America. Mereka adalah Gioia McCarthy dan Scott McQuistan. Gioia itu adalah managing director untuk cabang retail banking, dan Scott adalah managing director untuk bidang investasi dengan Merrill Edge.

Scott dan aku sempet ngobrol2. Kita bicara tentang Merrill Edge, bagaimana banyak FSA (Financial Solutions Advisor) bisa reach target tiap bulan, walaupun tiap bulan target bulanannya banyak, dan bagaimana banyak support system yang bisa membuat seorang FSA menjadi sukses. Scott mendorong aku untuk mencoba untuk daftar untuk posisi ini. Aku sempet keder juga sih, soalnya ini kan bidang prestigius banget! Di akhir pembicaraan, Scott bilang dia akan bilang ke salah satu managernya, Taylor Welch, untuk kontek aku, untuk pembicaraan lebih mendalam lagi.

Beberapa minggu kemudian, aku dan Taylor ngobrol lewat telpon. Taylor bilang, untuk posisi ini, banyak sekali tesnya. Gak semudah itu untuk diterima. Pertama2 ada 2 tes komputer awal yang aku harus lalui. Setelah itu, ada beberapa interview dengan dia dan manajer2 lainnya. Lalu kalau lolos, aku dikasih kesempatan untuk belajar Series 7 dan Series 66 selama 90 hari. Dan harus lulus! Kalo gak lulus, ya balik lagi deh jadi banker. Setelah itu barulah training 8 minggu. Prosesnya panjang! Dan setelah konsultasi bolak balik sama dia, akhirnya aku mantepin diri deh untuk apply di posisi bergengsi ini!

Akhir bulan April, aku berhasil melalui 2 tes komputer yang rada2 susah itu! Dan setelah beberapa interview, dengan HR, dengan peer managernya Taylor, background test, dll, akhirnya aku diterima di posisi FSA ini! Rencananya aku akan mulai belajar Series 7 tanggal 6 Agustus 2018. Bittersweet harus pisah dengan kantor cabang Orchards, karena aku akan studi di kantor cabang Fishers Landing. Tapi agak seneng juga soalnya kan kerjaan baru!

Setelah 2 bulan menanti2 tanggal 6 Agustus 2018 tiba, akhirnya hari yang ditunggu-tunggu itu datang juga! Aku dikasih laptop dari kantor, lengkap sama kabel2nya segala! Hehehehe. Aku bakalan training sama temen banker dari Portland, namanya Tina Chan. Jadi kita berdua akan sama2 belajar bareng2. Yay! Aku studi di cabang Fisher Landing, jadi balik lagi kayak dulu waktu aku training jadi banker. Ketemu temen2 lama : Paula, Caitlin, Eva, Kellie, Vicky, Evan, Brent (dimana Brent ini yang akan jadi mentorku nantinya untuk posisi FSA). Dan juga ketemu temen baru, mortgage loan officer yang namanya Armand. Baik deh orangnya. Juga Relationship Banker baru yang namanya Howard. Juga teller baru yang namanya Barbara. Semuanya baik2 deh sama aku!

Terus, selama studi Series 7 dari bulan Agustus sampe 1 Oktober 2018, aku juga ketemu para trainerku dan rekan2 satu studiku : Thomas, Vitaliy, Jeff, Tessa, Alexa, Grace, Amit, Benjamin, Jamison, Sam, Hari, dll. Banyak seabrek2 temen2 baru deh! Tiap hari Senin, Rabu, dan Jumat, kita conference call jam 9 pagi. Terus banyak sekali kelasnya. Ada kelas conference classroom virtually, ada waktu kita belajar sendiri dari buku, ada waktu untuk belajar dari video. Pokoknya nggak ngebosenin. Materinya banyak, ada 10 bab kali! Dan sekali baca udah mesti hafal. Nah loh...

Gue ujian tanggal 2 Oktober 2018 untuk Series 7 ini... dan gue lulus!! Yay!!! Jadi sekarang waktunya untuk belajar Series 66 deh!

Series 66 juga ampir2 mirip modenya kayak Series 7. Cuma 5 bab, tapi ada satu bab yang dimana kita mesti hafal banget semua peraturan2nya. Conference callsnya tiap hari Selasa dan Kamis jam 9 pagi. Dan ini waktunya lebih singkat, cuma 1 bulan. Kalo Series 7 kan 2 bulan.

Gue ujian tanggal 2 November 2018 untuk Series 66 ini. Dan puji Tuhan gue lulus! Jadi sekarang gue resmi pegang 2 license investasi! Yayyyyy!

So next step : is the 8 weeks training deh! 7 minggu training di Vancouver, dan 1 minggu training di Chandler, Arizona. Seru gak tuh!!! Di 5 minggu pertama, kombinasi training gue adalah materi2 di komputer, web class training, videos, and conference calls as well. Juga shadow peer mentor gue yaitu Brent. Brent ini pro banget deh! Kayaknya enteng kalo liat dia kerja. Padahal kerjaannya dia kan banyak juga. Dan dia sabar sekali sama gua. Walaupun gue suka nanya2 pertanyaan "bodoh" kadang2.

Tanggal 10-14 Desember 2018, minggu ke-enam, 30 peserta termasuk gue dikirim ke Chandler, Arizona. Kita stay di hotel Hilton Phoenix Chandler. Hari pertama pas datang acara bebas. Jadi gue merdeka banget deh! Gue swim, shopping ke mall, makan malam di restaurant The Keg Steakhouse. Pokoknya haleluya dah! Hahahaa!!!

Hari kedua di sana, gue duduk satu meja sama : Daniel Caraveio, Jay Winston, Justin Oubre (used to in Chase, 34), Jordan Miller (BFA, 25). Cerita lengkapnya akan gue tulis di bawah ini. Ini adalah email yang gue kirim ke boss gue, Guadalupe, menceritakan tentang hari pertama di sini:

Hi Guadalupe,

I’d like to share my Day 1 in training yesterday! I’ve met with so many great and talented people! My trainers: Dipal Patel, Jason Wilson, Tricia Wilke, Scott Krueger, and Yulia (I forgot to ask her last name!). I also met our leaders as well : Matthew T Gellene (Managing Director; Consumer Banking & ME Div Exec), Christopher Allen (Director; Consumer Banking & ME Region Exec), and Jeffrey McIver (Vice President; Consumer Banking & ME Market Leader). I had the opportunity to take a photo with them, so I plan to upload and send it to you once I’m back in Washington!

After the training done, we had a chance to mingle and network during the Welcome Reception at the hotel. I’ve met Gabriel Rein, the Process Design Consultant who is part of the training developer. I’ve gained a lot of insights and confidence by talking with him! He reminded me to not rush things and not everything has to be done right in this second. And to not be shy to reach out for help. I’ve also met with David (unsure of his surname). I asked him what’s the common mistake a new hire usually done that hinder their performance.  David suggested to not take my feet off from the gas pedal. Keep pushing forward. I met  Lisa Martin, the Platform Development Manager. What a strong woman! She had rich experience in the finance world and we even shared common background in collection when she was managing and training collection managers in 1999! I truly learned a lot from her! I gained more insights from my other peers as well. There are 30 students here, and 3 more days to go, so I will have plenty of time to get to know each other better. And the food was great! Thank you Bofa for feeding me yesterday! Breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

I really fortunate to be in my shoe today. It’s Day 2, and I can’t wait what the trainers have in store for me! Hope you like my story, Guadalupe. I took your advice to network and I really gain so much from it. And no worries, it won’t stop at Day 1. This is just the beginning. J

Have a great day, Guadalupe! J

Hari ketiga, gue duduk sama: Daniel Caraveio (Austin, TX, Operations Charles Schwab), Benjamin Smits (Vietnamese UK, Morgan Stanley, 44), Amit Kuthiala (Bofa, Wamu/Chase, Credit Union BM, pursuing Master Degree Uni of WA), Jamison Faure (FCOM Bakersfield, CA). Peer: Monica Garcia (San Antonio, TX), David Rosado, Daniel Polite (pursuing bachelor degree finance, Oklahoma City, OK). Compliance Training. Trainers : Margaret Sanchez, Gregg Tyler.

Waktu malam, gue makan malem bareng2 Lisa Feng, Angelina Ornelas, Jamison Faure, Stephan, dan Jordan Miller di restoran enak yg namanya Rock Lobster. Gue makan salmon sama nasi putih. Yummy banget deh! Thanks ya Bofa udah traktir gue, hehehehe...

Hari keempat, bittersweet juga nih. Hari terakhir training di sini sampe jam 2 siang, udah gitu kita balik hotel untuk ambil koper2 kita. Gue pulang dengan pesawat American Airlines, dan kebetulan salah satu temen training gue, Sam Dietke, juga pulang barengan sama pesawat itu! Jadinya kita ngobrol2 deh!! :)

And now I'm back in Vancouver, Washington. Akan menyelesaikan 2 minggu berikut sebelum tanggal live gue 14 Jan 2019 di cabang baru : Hazel Dell. Mudah2an gue bisa mengulang sukses lagi deh seperti dulu waktu di Orchards dan dulu pas jadi banker di Indonesia! I am so excited for this new journey! :)

6 bulan kemudian...

Sekarang aku sudah kerja di lokasi Hazel Dell. Semua rekan-rekan kerjaku baik2 dan mudah diajak bekerja sama. Mereka pun semuanya menyenangkan! Masing-masing punya keunikannya sendiri-sendiri.

Dimulai dari kepala pimpinan cabang, Samantha. Dia ini pindahan dari Michigan. Orangnya baik, humoris, dan bijaksana. Gak mudah marah atau emosian. Gampang diajak bertukar pikiran. Rasanya damai deh bicara sama doi.

Asisten pimpinan cabang, namanya Amanda. Dia ini tadinya dari cabang Mount Talbert. Umurnya sama dengan aku! Cuma doi beda 3 bulan lebih tua, jadi kurang lebih sama kan. Suka makan sehat tuh! Tulisannya rapih sekali deh!  Sebelum Amanda datang, tadinya asisten pimpinan cabang kita namanya Dejainera, alias DJ. Orangnya baik sekali, dan selalu asik diajak ngomong pas makan siang. DJ juga suka nanya2 tentang bagaimana cara mengatur keuangan pribadi. Salut deh gue, orangnya mau belajar.

Team teller yang megang uang kas :
- Jessica : suka berburu dan suka merajut! Hebat ya?
- Izzy : doyan banget makan sushi. Kan ada nih restoran sushi persis di sebelah kantor kita!
- Angela : ibu anak empat ini bijak banget deh! Kadang suka geli sendiri dengerin cerita beliau mendidik anak2nya.
- James : dia ini pindahan dari cabang Fourth Plain. Suka makan sandwich, bikin sendiri!
- Onna : dia ini demen banget pesen sandwichnya Jimmy John. Gue juga suka sih. Habis enak!

Team bankernya:
- Tiare : cewek cantik berambut panjang ini udah tunangan loh! Nanti dia married tahun depan, 2020.
- Evan: cowok yang satu ini selain tampan, dia juga modis sekali dalam berbusana. Bener2 bankir teladan deh. Jaketnya selalu rapih tersetrika. Orangnya juga super professional, tapi asyik diajak tukar pikiran. Dia ini pindahan dari cabang Fisher's Landing.
- Madison: cewek asal Kansas ini demen bangeth minum Dutch Bros yang namanya Golden Eagle. Dia juga kerja part time loh di kasino, sebagai dealer. Seru juga ya?

Team partner:
- Kelli : petugas pinjaman hipotek, alias yang ngurus pinjaman rumah, sebelum dia dipindahkan ke cabang Battleground. Walaupun sudah umur 60, tapi nggak keliatan kayak umur 60 tuh. Malah kayak umur 45 aza! Orangnya asik diajak bercanda, tapi boleh juga pas diajak ngomong yang dalem2, misalnya soal kehidupan.
- Suky : cewek Asia umur tiga puluh ini bener2 supel dan suka banget sama Backstreet Boys. Dia ini yang ngantiin Kelli sebagai petugas pinjaman hipotek di cabang kami.
- Harvey: cowok Asia yang dulunya kerja di US Bank, sekarang bergabung sama kita sebagai bankir untuk usahawan alias rekening2x bisnis.

Kadang aku suka keder juga sama targetnya, tapi puji Tuhan deh masih dilengkapi. Seperti biasa, aku cuma bisa pasrah aza sama Tuhan. Do your best, God do the rest. Kan itu dulu mottonya. Sama sampe skarang. Hehehe.

Ya sampe segini dulu deh kisahku untuk babak kali ini. Kita lihat saja nanti kelanjutannya!

My 2019 New Years Resolution

It's that time of the year again, making a new year's resolution. So for 2019, here's mine:

Move Forward and Up.

Basically keep moving forward, and keep moving up. That means :
1. No guilt.
2. No regret.

In order for us to move forward, we can't afford to kept always being bugged with guilt and regret. Oh why I didn't do this. Oh why I don't say that. Oh why this and why that. We have to stop. Stop and think what's important ahead. What need to be done. So stop fussing all those wasteful regrets because it's not going to get you near where you need to be.

Another thing that is important to remember is to have no regret. People say : I wish I know this when I'm 22. Well, not true! When you 22, your knowledge is as best as you can be when you 22. You possibly cannot think like a 40 year old, because you're not there yet, you're just 22. So don't regret it. Don't say : If I know this when I'm 22, my life will be better. No it's not! Because if you did the best you can with what you've got when you're 22, then  your life is already better than the other 22 years old that don't have wisdom and experience like you. Or maybe the other 30 or 59 years old! Because wisdom come from experience, not age.

And don't let anyone guilting you into anything. Please. Seriously. Do not ever let anybody force you to eat that guilt plate. If you've done the best you did with what you have, then be content at that. Believe that you've made the right decision, the best decision with the circumstances you're facing. Don't let anyone influence you in such a way that you feel guilty of doing something (or not doing something). This is your life, not theirs. If they tried to guilt you, then you can say to them : why don't you do it yourself? Why don't you apply your own words to yourself? Walk the talk.

Move forward. And move up. No more time to move backwards and down. That time is over. Now it's the time to shine. Get up, go get it done, and progress ahead!

Happy New Year 2019!!!

Lost Weight Journey

A conversation with my friend regarding losing weight :

"Iya Na, semangat ya! Btw when i said 15 kg, it's not recently kok. I started to be committed to lose weight since July 2011, after my 1st trip to Canada. I was at 151 lbs. This morning I'm at 118 lbs. So I lost 33 lbs for the last 7 years. 33 lbs = 14.9 kg, ya dibulatkan aza ke 15 kilo ya? Hehehe

So as you can see. It's not an overnight process. It takes days, weeks, months, and years to get where I am now. It takes commitment, dedication, conscious effort, sacrifice, and definitely change. I change my diet. I strict it to :
- no butter
- no canola oil
- only EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil)
- no second plate how hungry I am
- reduced my plate to 75%. Bahkan now I can reduced it to 50%
- exercise it's important, this is the field that I'm still lacking, but I do have an active lifestyle at least. So keep an active lifestyle : bersih2 rumah, jalan, choose stairs vs elevator, etc.
- track my weight in daily basis. Tracking it's important so you know how close you are to your goal.
- and definitely have a goal! You must have a written goal. If not, you just wish, but not really intend to. My goal was 125 lbs. And now I'm 118 lbs!" 

You can lose weight.

You just have to have a goal, stick to the plan, discipline yourself, and never quit.

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

Garden of Eden

As I sipping thru my hot cocoa, while soaking in the warm jacuzzi in my luxurious apartment complex, I think to myself, "This is life." On a cold winter day like this, I get a chance to enjoy the solitude of my own company in the the hot tub. I look at my surrounding. Beautiful lush garden with tall green trees all around. I look up and saw birds are flying and making some cute noises. I feel peace and serenity. I feel this is the Garden of Eden.

It's funny. From the world standard, I am less than what I was before. Previously, I had a big home with big beautiful family. Now that house is sold and the family had spread out their wings, I am just me,  myself, and I. Just a family of 1. And now I'm renting a 1 bedroom apartment for myself. So technically I'm "poorer". But the odds are, I felt so much "richer" than before.

Before, I don't have time to enjoy all these. But now I do! I have all the time in the world to stop and smell the roses. Something that I didn't have the luxury before due to obligations of life. But now, I can really relax, enjoy little things, and be grateful for every opportunity. This experience really open up my eyes. I now can get back to do my hobbies again, such as blogging and communicating with friends.

It is the outlook on life that will make you happier or not. It's not money. It's not things. It's not success. It's not fame. But how you perceived life will determine if you're going to be happy or not. In everything, you always have a choice to view it as a positive experience, or a negative one. You can always choose to do the right thing, or not. You always have the option.

When I'm done with my spa jacuzzi time, I was just chilling in the clubhouse. The apartment management had put together such a beautiful clubhouse for the resident to enjoy. I went to the fireplace, sipping my hot green tea (courtesy of the apartment management! Thank you!), and feeling the warmth embrace of the fire. Then I sit on the big couch in the living room, relaxing some Christmas music from the gigantic flat screen TV in the center of the clubhouse. How soft and comfortable to sofa was! Enjoying the Christmas decoration that is neatly put together. The pointsettias. The little this and that. How life is wonderful!

I feel that today I visited the Garden of Eden. Everything is so beautiful. Give me peace of mind.

Thank you, Lord.

I'd Rather

Once upon a time ago, my good friend in high school wrote this in our yearbook :

"I'd rather get a 9 with my own effort, rather than a 6 with cheating."

Funny quote, huh?

Well, first of all, of course you'll choose a 9 vs a 6! And of course you'll be prouder if with you get it with your own effort rather than cheating. That's why so many people usually put the phrase like this: "I'd rather get a 6 with my own effort rather than a 9 with cheating." Basically it's better to get things honestly and the right way, rather than with shortcuts, cheat, and deception.

But what I love about this quote, it's contains deeper meaning than that. It convey a message that you can get the best of both worlds. You can still get the result you want, with the correct way of doing things.

And that reminds me, another once upon a time ago, someone told me,"I'd rather have 1 or 2 true friends, rather than 1000 fake friends." And I, being an extrovert and do have more than 1000 friends, was shocked to hear that! Seriously? You'd rather have literally no friends at all? What if your 1 or 2 friends died or moved or eventually be off your life?

So I stepped back, reflect, ponder, and come to this conclusion:

I'd rather have 1000 true friends, rather than 1-2 fake friends.

I'd rather be rich and kind, rather than be poor and wicked.

I'd rather have an expensive clothes with quality that last a long time, rather than a cheap clothing that is so broken that it tore the first time I wash it.

I'd rather have good times with someone else, rather than have bad times with you.

I'd rather have a 9 with my own effort, rather than a 6 with cheating.

You get my point.

Change the way you think. It is possible to achieve better things and state of mind without compromising your values and integrity. It is attainable.

Well, my high school friend is right. It's better to get the BEST THINGS in THE RIGHT WAY, rather than getting LESSER THINGS in the WRONG WAY!

Does The End Justify The Means?

Finally I know the answer of that question.

Does the end justify the means? No matter how noble is the end?

The answer is... NO.

Ask yourselves this:
1. Would you sell marijuana and cocaine (which you know will damage people's lives) to feed your family?
2. Would you prostitute yourself, so you can feed your children?
3. Would you accept a contract to be a killer, so you can buy a medicine to cure your parent?
4. Would you fund a terrorist to be able to provide housing to your loved ones?

I say no. Why? Because there should be another way to feed your family, your children, cure your parent, and provide housing to your loved ones. You can find different alternatives. You can work in a more honest way. You can work as a janitor, debt collector, salesman, warehouse guy, or any decent jobs that you hate but it's legal and not destroying lives!

Robin Hood sounds like a novel idea. Steal from the rich to feed the poor. But seriously, why would you do that? The rich work hard themselves. If the rich does steal from the poor, then report them to the authority! But you don't steal back. Don't do eye for eye. In reality, there are so many rich people that are rich because they work hard and they deserve to enjoy the fruit of their labor. Being rich (the right way) is not wicked.

Basically, end justify means is just simply mean a good outcome excuses any wrong committed to attain it. But wrong is wrong. Wrong is not right. If how you get your happiness is by doing the wrong thing, it's not true happiness. It's fake happiness and it's not really a happiness to begin with.

And is there something to justify the end?

Never sacrifice your moral. Never question your integrity. If it's a wrong thing to do, don't do it. No matter how noble is the intention. It's still wrong.

Keep doing the right thing.

Life's Slot Machine

Let's play a game! The LIFE'S SLOT MACHINE game!

First, replace each slot with the people in your life. Slot#1 can be your dad. Slot#2 can be your mom. Slot#3 is your spouse. Slot#4 is your child. Slot #5 is your boss. Slot#6 is your best friend. Slot#7 is your next friend. And so on, and so on. You decide. The number of slots are infinity. The slots represent each people that have ever come to your life, still in your life, and possibly will appear in your life later. And the last slot is you.

In this game, not all slots will be stopping at the same time. Some slots will stop first. some will stop later. Some will slow down. Some will spin faster. Some will stop temporarily, but re-spinned again. Some will stop for good. Some will never stop.

Since you are the last slot, the game will always keep spinning. But you can't control when each slot will stop. The time the slot start spinning represents the time they start appear in your life.

The time the slot stopped represents the time they are out of your life. Whether is due to death, loss of contact, or permanent goodbye caused by unresolved conflict. If it's due to death, obviously the slot will stop for good. If that person still alive, there's a possibility that the slot will re-spin again.

So here's my result:

Slot #1 is my dad. Start: The day I born. Stop: The day he died.

Slot #2 is my friend A. Start: The day we met in kindergarten. Stop: The day we graduate high school. Start again: The day we met on Facebook, 10 years later! Till now!

Slot #3 is my coworker B. Start: The day we met in office cafetaria on date xx/xx/20xx. Stop: The day he got relocated to East coast on this date xx/xx/20xx. Start: The day we reconnect via LinkedIn.

Slot #4 is cousin C. Start: The day she was born. No stop since we still in touch.

And so on, and so on. I have a long list and it's probably wise to not list them one by one here. But I know for sure, the last slot is myself. Start: The day I born. Stop: The day I die.

Try this exercise on a piece of paper. And list everyone. You'll see a pattern here. Some relationship ends. Some doesn't end. Some is re-lived. Some re-lived to be lost again.

The point of this game is, that no matter what happen, you as the last slot are still spinning. There will be people that eventually will be part of your history, and they remain in the past. They will be people that will come and make new history with you. As long as you still "spinning" aka alive, you won't run out of list of "slots" (aka people) to share this happy life with. And sometimes surprisingly, some people that out of touch do come back! Whether because there was a crisis in your life, or fate met the both of you again, you'll get reconnected and then their slots start spinning again.

I need to accept that there will be some people that will never come back to my life anymore. Sad, but it's life. It is what it is. It's not what it has been. It's not what it will be. It is what it is.

But the good news is, just because we lost some people who hold near and dear to us, doesn't mean that life is ended. We must still continue to do what we supposed to do in this world. Our purpose. Because life is big. It's not just about people. It's not just about a relationship. It's everything! Family, home, work, health, finances, leisure, love & the matter of the heart, and everything in between. Just because one aspect of our life is unpleasant to us now, doesn't mean that we have to throw everything away. There's still good things in this world. Not all is lost.

While I'm grieving for some people that I've lost recently, I am also at peace knowing that God will take care of them better than the way I take care of them. I just have to trust in Him. Knowing that He sees everything and He knows all. He will arrange the best for each of us, His children. So my job is to let go everything that need to be let go. And keep walking towards my future. Until my slot stop spinning for good.

Focus Forward

Sometimes things happen unexpectedly.

Sometimes things happen the way we don't predict.

It just came out of nowhere.

The last 12 months have been rough.
The last 6 months have been horrible.
The last 3 months have been challenging.
The last month have been intense.

I've been walking on a shaky ground for a very long time. I used to be so optimistic with my future, but I forgot that this future I imagine, is involving other people. And when you involve other people, you'll risk uncertainty. Because people could be unpredictable. Their nature could change, evolving into something that you never see before. And now suddenly, we're at the point where that future is compromised. Is tainted. Is going to be replaced with something totally new and unclear.

Basically, simply put, the life I hope and dream, is gone. It's not going to be there anymore.

Now I'm going to have to paint a different mental image of my future. It could be scary. But exciting at the same time. I could be creative. I could throw different alternative and scenarios. Or I can just let the future envelop into something that will surprise me.

I learned that our struggles reveal who we really are. I keep thinking and feeling the pain that has been caused from those uncontrollable situations I'm in. No matter what I try and do, it seems that it won't change the outcome. Since I don't have any control of what the outcome will be, I'll just focus on what I can control. On what I can do.

In the midst of all these drama, I found an inner circle of friends that were there and are still there to support me in daily basis. They continue to cheer me on, remind my self worth, and just being there for me. I will be forever grateful for their presence. Their attention and their love for me are just so many things that I fortunate to have! They lend their wings to me, lift my spirit up, and don't let me fall back down to the bottomless pit of despair. They encourage me to keep focus forward on what lies ahead. Don't linger in the past too much and just use the pain to make me stronger. I am very surprised to see so many willing hearts opening up to me, and so many strong hands extended to me. I am so lucky to have them in my life, at the right moment.

Life is a balance of everything.

It's not one aspect of my life is more important than the other. Everything need to be balanced. I used to think that family is more important than work and friendship. How I was wrong! These past times had proven to me that family could be the very resource of your downfall. And when that happen, somehow my work and my friends save me from keep falling deeper. I don't know what I would do without them.  So now I learn to value things they way they are. Not placing more priority over another. Everything is important. Family is important, so does work, and so does friendship.

And so does self-love and self-improvement. I think sometimes I neglect this area so much because I was so consumed on what's going on around me. I forgot to focus in me.

Well, the good news is, now with the new situation ahead of me, I will have plenty of time to self-reflect and really think of what I'd like my life will be. I'm going to use the pain to help me focus forward. To keep moving on. Understand what's my next goal I want to achieve, and working towards it. Understand that I need to be kind to myself and not let me keep pushing for something that will drain my energy. I need to stop obsessing of the event of the past. Put one feet in front of the other and keep walking towards my destination.

No use crying over a spilled milk.

Average of 5 People

Jim Rohn once said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

It's true, isn't it?

The more you hang out with certain type of people, the more habits you pick up from each other. The more you mirroring at each other. We're getting comfortable and complacent. Imagine if this happen for a long time.

Have you given much thought of who the five people who could influence you the most? Do you want to surround yourself with people who will bring out the best in you? Who challenge you to grow? Or same people who in stuck in the rut with no progress and have been stagnant for years?

Now I'm not saying that we should let go good relationship with friends or family that we've been together for ages. No way! However, we should always attempt to grow ourselves to the next potential level where we could be headed, wherever it is. With you getting better, you'll make your surrounding better too. You influence your circle to step up to the betterment.

This is a great video to sum up this principle.

If we want to be better, we need to expand our circle. We need to meet more people, broaden our network, hang out more with interesting new people. We can always learn from each other, and be a support system in a time of need.

So if you want to be more positive in your life, get in touch with 5 people who are more positive than you so you can learn from them. Get some exposure.

If you want to be strong, surround yourself with 5 stronger people.

If you want to be better, then you know what to do, get into that better circle. Find your mentors.

It is exciting to expand your network. Suddenly you find yourself in a place where you want to be, because you choose to grow and learn from other people who has walk the path before you. They could give you insights, motivation, and guidance to the better you.

Strong Woman

A strong woman will say her goodbye differently as she is not just a woman. She won't cry for a long time, she won't blame on your previous mistakes, and she won't force you to stay either. She is familiar with separation as she is stronger because of it.

She will let you leave as she knows exactly that people are temporary and most of the times, life goes on with or without the one she has loved. She will respect your decision to leave because she understands that you deserve to be happy and explore this whole world as long as you possibly can. A strong woman knows that she has to survive alone and she will never rely on others just because her heart was broken.

A strong woman will always remember that attention and affection are the things that shouldn't be asked from other people because love should be simple and easy.

She is the kind of woman who truly understands that the right people will always stay and if you decide to leave, she believes that she will meet countless new people along the way. She knows that every ending will always be followed by a new beginning and she is not afraid to start over. This kind of woman is tired of always being left behind and taken for granted, but she will never regret her decision to love you back then.

She is fearless and she knows that she will be brave enough to open her heart again, even though she has been hurt for million times. This kind of woman will always keep her hopes alive as she believes that there are some people out there who won't leave her side whatever happens. Your absence will teach her about her own worth and she will eventually realize that she will always be herself, with or without you.

Thus, rather than saying goodbye and mourning her loss of you, she will raise up once again and she will try her best to go through one day at a time.

Your absence will be her fuel to pursue her unmet goals and dreams. She will not only survive, she will achieve her dreams. Despite the fact that she is broken beyond repair, she knows exactly that she will grow stronger than before as she always learns from pain and you gave her so many lessons.

Rather than saying goodbye and asking you to come back, a strong woman will learn how to forgive herself. She will learn to love herself more than before as she realizes that self-love is the key to make her survive. She will try her best not to blame herself upon your decision to leave. She will convince herself that she had done her best to make you stay, yet you've left her anyway.

One thing for sure, when a strong woman says goodbye, she will never turn back.

So, when you come to your senses and realize that you've made a wrong decision to leave her, it will be too late as she has already moved on. A strong woman will always keep moving forward as she will never live in her past.  You are just a part of her past and she will keep it that way. She will forgive you, but she will never forget what you did.

When a strong woman says goodbye, that was the exact moment you will realize that she didn't lose anything; you lost her instead.

Cut It Loose

You know my favorite phrase: Past performance doesn't guarantee future results. It's so true. Just because someone was good for the last decade or two, doesn't mean that he/she will be good in the future. They could become bad, corrupted, and fall into an unreachable lowest level.

To sum it up, for recent events that have been ongoing in my life for the last half year, I finally decided to treat all these situation as if I was to handle a bad investment. What will you do in a bad investment? Are you going to hold on to it forever? Hoping it will one day rebound back? Or are you just going to cut it loose?

I'm going to cut it loose. Just like a bad investment. Cut it loose and move on. Find a better deal somewhere.

I think this way we can cut the cancer of our lives and move on to a brighter future. Not saying that the grass will always be greener on the other side, but at least we can just remove ourselves from all the negativity and toxic situation that suck away our energy level. I've tried and tried and tried. And finally I decided to just call it quit. Better stop the loss now rather than bleed more and suffer more in the future.

Sometimes I feel that the world is really unfair. Oh I know that the world is always unfair. The reality is never the same of what we want it to be. You work hard, you live right, you do everything according to the highest moral standard, but somehow you're not getting the result you should get. There's always people that cut corners that somehow get ahead and get rewarded with everything. There's people that work half as hard as you do, and get everything they want. It's a double standard world. The world expect us to deliver our best, while the world doesn't have to behave the right way according to its own standard. How unfair.

Ok, let's stop this pity party now. Nobody likes a debbie downer so I rather cut myself short now. Before I got sucked in to more and more melodrama of my life.

Maybe one day I'll see the reason why everything has to happen. Maybe I won't. But for now, I need to continue to move on with my life. Forget everyone who had disappointing me. Forget everyone who had betrayed me. Forget everything that happened. Forget all the nightmares. Forget and just focus forward.

Silence is Golden

I am so proud of myself.

This morning I've made a decision. I decided to talk less towards my spouse. You see, my husband and I have been married for the last 13 years. The first 12 years was going great. But something happened in year thirteen that made us seems to grow apart. I'm not going into details here, but long story short, I am right now fighting hard for the survival of our marriage. I read somewhere in one of the internet blogs that marriage will peak up again after 20 years. And one of my friend that has been married for 25 plus years told me that it is getting better the longer we married. So basically I just need to survive this low slump, and believe that our marriage will be better again after we pass this perfect storm.

He wants less talk. He feel stress when I'm talking. The problem is, I am an extrovert. And I am very big in expressing my feelings. I am blunt. I speak what's on my mind. I just say what I feel and what I think to the most inner circle of my life. So unfortunately, this makes him likes me less. Maybe because I vent my frustration at everything. And who likes a nagging wife? A complaining wife? I wouldn't like to live with myself if all I do is just focusing on the negative in a daily basis.

Therefore, I decided to do something different. What's the definition of insanity? Doing something over and over again and expecting a different result. So guess what? I'm going to do something that I didn't do before. I am going to limit my talk to him. I'm not going to talk about my feelings, or what's on my mind, or what's worrying me, or whatever it is that bugging me. If I talk to him, it'll be just to the weather or household needs. Just as needed basis. 

And when he presented a topic that is difficult for me to digest, basically things that make me explode and be the queen of anger & wrath, I will simply treat it as if he speaks Swahili to me. I'll just look at him quietly and blank stare. Or maybe I'll just acknowledge and sympathize with him. I don't know for sure, but... definitely not talking. No words. No exchange words. Often time, my tongue got me into trouble. Often times, I open a Pandora Box when I start a conversation with him. So... I need to control which words that escape my lips, and be the master of my thoughts, and my feeling.

So far so good. This evening went by peacefully. I think I give him what he wants. And a happy husband is a happy life. I'm successfully navigated myself to speak less words compared to his words. Basically he is now talking more than me. Which is good.

Now, I am an expressionist. So what will I do to release my tension? I'll just blog here. I'll just pour out the words via this medium and that'll help me to release my inner thought. Beside, I work in an environment that requires me to do lots of talking. Isn't this excellent? I still get to talk, to other people, so at home I'll just be quiet. Just be still.

I guess it's true that silence is golden. We'll see if this works. Maybe I'll be lucky if we survive to year fourteen.

Mindset

You know the 5 steps of grief :
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

These steps are so true.

Right now I'm at the point of acceptance. And I felt I can only achieve this mindset after I finish running all my emotions from the first four stages. When I was in denial, I couldn't directly accept the truth. It's just a hard pill to swallow at that time. But when I'm in acceptance, suddenly I can clearly see the benefit of the situations, how can I turn it into my advantage, and just accept things the way they are. It's like, when life gives you lemon, make a lemonade philosophy.

I felt that it's important to always convey our emotion. Not at people who doesn't want to hear it out. But to other medium which we can express ourselves. That's why I'm so thankful for this blog! This is a place where I can quietly meditate my mind, try to process for anything that had happened to me lately, and try not to dwell in the past too much.

They say, it's all in your mindset. When things happen to you, can choose 2 things. You can choose to react negatively towards it, or you can choose to be positive about it. It's so dang hard to be positive when things happen not in our favor. I admit it. It's not easy. But do we have a choice in the matter? In the long run, is it more beneficial to keep down in the low, or to get up and start working at something else that will bring more progress? Focus on the big picture, focus on the long-term. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

We don't live only for today. Tomorrow we'll live. And the next day after that. So let's set our mindset to the positive channel. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to grief. But do more positive things to make your life better. When I'm in the blue, I like to shop. Somehow buying something new release a temporary joy in my heart. Weird. But I know at some point I got to stop and start saving towards my emergency fund. If that fund is full, fine, save more towards retirement. My future self will not mind to have more money in the end I think.

With the right mindset, we help us to lift ourselves up. Life still goes on. There are still responsibilities out there that need your attention. Perhaps organizing your things will help weed out those negative emotions. De-clutter always help. Cleaning is a good exercise. Journal your feelings  is always a good escape from reality. It makes you think in a deeper level. Do anything uplifting that bring progress. You'll feel happier and accomplished.

Control your mindset and don't let your mindset control you. Don't get trapped in the weeds of thoughts. Instead, direct it towards your goal and be very focus of it. Keep your eyes in the prize.

The Power of Positivity

"A man with one arm still feel happy, because he doesn't focus on his missing arm. Instead, he's thankful for his other arm and the two feet he has."

This simply means gratitude. To thankful for what we have instead of stressing for something we don't have.

Mind is like a garden. We need to always weed out negative thoughts and uncontrollable fantasy. Mind, when is unleashed, could lead into areas that we should never visit. Pity party and victim mentality are born from idle mind who are not goal focused and not concentrating on positivism.

When we have a positive thinking, we could make a greater impact to ourselves and people who surround us. We bring sunshine to the mankind and everyone who we interact with. We discipline ourselves with integrity and put away negative thinking in a box.

Be positive. Don't be negative. Don't always judge something harshly without knowing all the facts. Like Yoda once said,"Unlearned what you have learned." Look at the bright side.

I think Norman Vincent Peale detailed this superpower best in his book: The Power of Positive Thinking." What a great book to read!

"Your Cup is Full"

Last night, I have an interesting conversation with a friend.

She said,"I'm lonely. I feel like I have no friend at all. I feel like nobody cares about me."

I said,"Well, loneliness is a depressing feeling. Nobody wants to feel lonely and not being cared about. How about if I help you meet some new friends? There's a picnic next week at my school. I can introduce you with new friends to make your world brighter! More exciting!"

She replied,"Nah, I think I'd rather stay home. I don't want to have thousand of fake friendships. I'd rather have one or two real friendship with people I feel comfortable with."

I (thinking and not responding),"But you just said that you are lonely..."

I feel that she's not really lonely. It seems that she wants her problem to be resolved, but she doesn't really intend to. I say that her cup is full.

When your cup is full, you don't have any room to accept new ideas. Instead of acting like a sponge, absorbing new information and learn new life skills, you stunted your growth by closing your mind like an iron prison. You're not welcoming new perspective that could change your world to the better. To be able to improve in life, one must try to always empty their cups.

"You are like this cup; you are full of ideas. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can't put anything in. Before I can teach you, you'll have to empty your cup."

I wish I can say to her that her cup is full. But it's pointless since she wouldn't understand what I mean anyway. I can just put this a s a reminder to myself that I always have to try to empty my cup, empty my mind, so this way I can learn new information better. I must empty my cup. Everyday.

Another Day in Paradise

When you have a fight with someone, at what point do you know when to throw in the towel? To quit working together to repair the broken connection between you two? Or when to give that person another chance to prove that he/she is worthy of your friendship?

I can only think one answer for this question. I think it is okay to give him/her another chance if he/she is showing that they are trying to mend the relationship. If they have intention to give this another try too.

So my husband and I have been having a lot of fights lately. These are struggling times for the both of us. Some was caused due to outside factors that have nothing to do with us. Things that we don't have any control over. Some are caused by the things we caused ourselves. There are days that we just daydream what if we don't have each other anymore.

But the funny thing is, we possess this trait called resilience. It is a human nature to want to fix things. It feels like a challenge.

We decided to give it another try.

Last night, my husband said a magical phrase that suddenly make me laugh out loud, and forget about what we were fighting before. It is a phrase that I always say over & over again, and it rang true to my core. It is this:

"Past performance doesn't guarantee future results."

I'm an investment-minded woman. I like finance and investments stuff, and all the talk shows about it. In the past, I refer to that phrase to talk about our money, 401(k), and retirement plans. But last night when my husband said that (and he said that with a crooked smile too), I knew that he wasn't referred it to any dollar stuff. He referred it to us. Just because we have fight last month and last week, doesn't mean that we'll fight again tomorrow.

And it's true.  Today we don't have any fight at all! Actually we decided to clean up our house and reorganize few things. I feel so accomplished today!!! :)

So, for any couples out there that are in the midst of a perfect storm, I have an encouragement words for you today. Don't give up. Believe in your love. Give it a go again. Tomorrow is a new day. Live in the present. Don't always go back to the past and to get even. Forgive and move on. Don't quit.

It's another day in paradise.

Integrity

Is it normal that the older I get, the less I trust people?

On my journey on this earth, so far, I found more and more people betrayed my trust. Maybe I'm wrong, but my trust philosophy is like this:

First, I trust you.
Until you break my trust.
Then I will never trust you anymore.
Until you proven otherwise.

And now I come to a point where I won't really trust you, even at first, because somewhere in the future, I think you'll stab me from behind. Or maybe from the front. Right under my nose.

And the most painful thing is, my trust are broken from the people that I trusted the most. My inner circle. That's where the hurt run deep. Like I couldn't believe they would do such a thing, but they did. Doesn't matter now that they make amends. They still hurt me. The hurt was there.

Now why the trust was broken? Was it something I do wrong? Something I do right? Something I didn't do at all? I have no idea. Whatever the excuse is, I found that if someone, no matter who that "one" is, betrayed the principality of a point, then the trust is broken. And our relationship will no longer be the same like it was before. It will never be the same relationship.

Now, when I no longer trust that person, next come to this: No matter how good the theory that come out from that person's mouth, I would not think those words as face value anymore. As a matter of fact, I would labeled them as a hypocrite.  Someone that doesn't do the right thing, doesn't deserve to say a right thing. Action speaks louder than words. Theory is nothing.

I think that the reason why those people broke vow and promises and the principle of things, is because they lack of one thing. They lack of this high quality ingredient in their life. With this thing missing in their life, they are easily be compromised and do the wrong thing. That thing wise people called "Integrity".

Integrity is doing the right thing. No matter how hard it is. Actually, if you have a habit to apply integrity in every single thing of the aspect of your life, you'll find it easier to apply. It is so easy to do the right thing once you set it in motion. We human are a habitual being. The more we stay firm to our integrity, the easier it is to say no to the wrong thing. It's super easy.

There are 7 billion people in the world. I doubt how many of those who has integrity grained in their life. Maybe 50%? 25%? Or just 10%? If there's only 1% from 7 billion in the world who has integrity, that sums up to 70 million people in the world. Are you optimist that there are 70 million people in the world that still have their integrity intact? No cheating, no doing the wrong thing, and just being super awesome in justice and all? Being Mr (or Mrs) Incredible? Or is it only 0.01%, which is 700,000 people?

Well, anyway, with these life lessons that somehow was given to me lately, I found that it's more important than ever to keep my integrity intact, no matter what the circumstances is. It's probably one of the rarest valuable in the world. Integrity lead to dignity. Integrity build character. Which lead us to be a trustworthy person.

Trust is earned, it's not an entitlement.
Trust is proven, not given.
Trust is built, not inherited.

And a trustworthy person are the ones whose opinion can be counted the most.

All Relationship Are Voluntary

Title say it all.

All relationship are voluntary, not entitlement. What I mean is all, is... all. Whether it's parent-children relationship, husband-wife relationship, friendship relationship, siblings relationship, each and every relationship are voluntary.

To be in the relationship, the two parties should willing to be in one. Both of them are working together to build the relationship stronger. To still stay in the relationship and do everything they can to save the relationship. If one of the party decided to quit, then there is no more relationship.

There are relationship that worth to be saved, and there's relationship that is so broken beyond salvaged points. The ones that is worth fighting for are the relationship when two people still interested to make it work, to be optimistic that "this will pass". Two people, not one though. If one is hopeful, but the other one doesn't care anymore about the relationship, then it is not worth it.

I learned in my life that sometimes, we have to let go the relationship that is really really gone sour. The ones when the other party is not interested to make it work anymore. The ones that the other party doesn't care of what happen to you and just care for him/her self-interest. The ones that can live WITHOUT you.

It is painful when that happen. You just want to cry, cry, and cry. You keep asking why? Why did I do wrong? Why I deserve this? Where it went wrong? But realize, that sometimes it's not you. It's them. They are the one that choose to put themselves above you, instead of being your equal in this thing we call relationship. So forget them, move on, there are so many relationship out there waiting for you to be in it. The ones that worth your attention, care, and love.

There are also relationship that you need to quit. Those are the fake, the back-stabbing (or front-stabbing) type, the ones that just take advantage of you and your kindness. You need to get out of this relationship although the other party is still interested in the relationship, because they just want to get the benefit exclusively for them, without caring for you. This is not a mutual relationship, and you should stop abusing yourselves from these type of people.

Here are some tips to make your relationship stronger:
1. Read a relationship improving article at least once a day. Learn from the experts. Expand your knowledge so you can apply the tips to nurture your relationship.

2. Be happy, be positive. Nobody likes to hang around with a Debbie Downer.

3. Listen more. Seek first to understand, then be understood.

So what happen if you just broke up with one of your relationship? Especially if it's the important one? Here are some things that you can do to ease your pain:
1. No contact = no relationship. If you need to disconnect from a bad relationship, do it asap.

2. Forget him/her. Let them go. They are happier without you, and if you really love them, you want them to be happy, right? They are happy without you. So let them be happy and release them from  your life.

3. Heal yourself. Do things that put you in your own happy place again. You are worth it. You deserve happiness. Never ever let anybody rob you from your own happiness.

4. Protect your heart. Learn from the lesson, so next time you're not repeating this again. Trust is earned, that means they need to show you if they are worth it to have a relationship with you. Because you know once you committed, you will give it your all. And if they can't do that, then they don't deserve you.

All relationship are voluntary. Never take a relationship for granted. Don't expect him/her to behave according to their title (mom, dad, grandparents, siblings, husband, wife, son, daughter, grandchildren, bff, boss, subordinates, peer, boyfriend, girlfriend, ex, etc).  Work need to be done for a relationship to continue to grow stronger, from both parties.

May you always have a good relationship with anyone you love and loves you back.